All Overlord aside...

I feel a sadness..  a deep gut wrenching sadness that I rarely allow myself to face.  I am a guarded person by nature..  I don't like to show what I feel or how I feel it..  It is a survival skill that has been honed and perfected for years..  and yet.. I would feel selfish and not human if I did not allow this to come to light.  I lost my sister-in-law today...  It hurts.  It hurts like hell to see Rach and my girls to cry..  not the tears of a stubbed toe..  not the cry of mere hurt feelings..  but the cry that comes from an unrecoverable loss..  a cry of hurt that cannot be described in mere words..  and I am the rock.  It isn't something you want to be.. but someone has to be strong..  so I turn the feelings off like a switch as I have before.  It hurts to do.. it tears my guts out.  I had to inform my side of the family of the loss.. it was what needed to be done.. and it was appropriate for me to do it. My mom was broken up about it.. I left a message for my dad..  and then I called my brother..  it never really hit me when I got the news...  I went into "fix-it" mode.. as I should.. but then when I called my sibling.. my brother..  it became hard for me to contain..  I lowered my voice to rein it in..  I could not help but feel the despair as if I had lost my own brother and what it must feel like..  it was a terrible and wicked anguish.  Anyone who knows me..  knows I am a control freak about any emotions I show..  I had to fight like hell to not cry like a child.. as I feel the tears well up as I type this..  I hate it.  My eyes burn..  my stomach feels like it has a catch in it...  Greta had suffered for a very long time with Diabetes and kidney failure..  constant dialysis was her daily activity for quite a while..  It was a tough existence..  it had to be..  but it never really kicked me till I found out she had passed..  I miss her terribly..  I took her existence for granted.  I will no longer have the sharp tongued banter with her during family get togethers... I won't get to refer to her as that "Dirty Artsy Hippie Chick" as she gives me hell about this or that..  There will be an empty chair at Christmas Eve when we are handing out presents to be opened ,,, one by one..  I cannot fathom what Rach feels right now.. or Libby... or Howard and Nancy..  I can only imagine that it is exponentially worse than what I feel.. and this is kicking my ass.  I will miss her amazing presence...

Giving Thanks and all that jazz..

I notice a ton of people (actual weight may vary) posting daily about different things they are thankful for.  I think that is great.  Perhaps it helps people put things into perspective..  love what you have .. not what you want sort of thing..  I have lots of traits..  some good.. some vile..  but I like to think that I am gracious and appreciative.  I know.. seems odd coming from me.. but I was raised to say thank you, appreciate when people do things for you.. etc..   Here is where it gets sticky..  You guys know my focus is limited.. so the thought of doing a daily thing for a month is .. well.. frankly.. daunting..  and sounds boring..   So I am going to knock out a bunch right here..  I am going to skip the obvious.. health.. other crap like that...  BORING..  If I skip anyone.. it is NOT intentional.  So... I guess it sucks for you because either.. it slipped my mind.. which does NOT mean I am not thankful and appreciative.. it just means that it slipped my widdle head for a moment..  OR... it could mean.. that I am in no way appreciative of you and you suck.  Moving on.

I am thankful for my family..  Thankful for two girls who bring me joy and happiness... Never has being so stressed out about two human beings been such a thing I welcome.  Both so different but yet bring me an insane amount of goodness to my life. 

Thankful for my wife, Rachel...  a patient woman.. no doubt..  As different as we are, the partnership has held fast..  One of the few people I can rely on to be straight with me regardless of the level of discomfort.  Not a lot of people like that anymore.  I am more than sure that I do not appreciate you as much as you deserve.  You are truly the glue to the household.  Love you and thank you.

The Crye's..  my family down the street.  I appreciate you guys more than you know.  Seeing you guys every weekend gives me something to look forward to.

The Luna's.. my family in the worst city in America..  Don't get to see you guys enough.. Still very important to me.  Damn shame we don't see you more.

My parents..  Hey..  without you.. I wouldn't be here..  I still don't see how in the hell you guys ever hooked up.. probably never will.  But, together or apart, I could always count on you guys..  I appreciate you both more than you guys know..  As I have grown into adulthood and gotten into the whole parenthood thing.. I see how much you guys truly did for me..  Thank you.

My Kick Ass Parents-in-laws..  I truly love these folks..  Howard..  you have taught me so much about how to take care of my family and things around the house.  Nancy..  you give of yourself to your family in inspiring and selfless ways.  I am so thankful for you both.

My Boss..  I know.. strange..  but I am thankful for Larry..  though he is insane, excitable, and maddening at times..  he is honestly.. a hell of a boss.  He is one of the most generous people I have met...  always taking in stray people and trying to make their life better..  Hell..  he is a better man about that than I am..  When I am ready to shut the book on a person, he keeps it open to see if they can pull themselves out of the pit.  Dude has a ridiculous soft side.

My NorthEast Contingency..  You guys crack me up even when y'all don't mean to.  Good peeps up there.

My Minions..  I am not sure if you guys know it..  but I am very thankful for you.. because frankly.. I need you.  I am a bright person who has a lot of good things going for him..  but I am LOST without people to do some stuff for me..  Seriously..  I am still amazed each and every day that you guys do stuff for me without complaint and that you GENUINELY don't mind doing it.  I am not sure why you guys choose to follow me and take care of me..  but I think it is kick ass and I certainly want you to keep up the good work.  I love you guys and gals and hope you know that this undeserving overlord would certainly drop everything to help one of you lil guys out, too.  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Saving the best for last.  I am thankful to God.  Yeah.. None of this would have been possible without him.  He has always known when to lift me up.. and when to humble my proud ass..  All the things I am thankful for..  he helped bring to me.  Thank you, God.

(Awesome + Awkward) x (Alcohol / Photo Evidence) = Reunion

It has been a while, kiddies..  I have to say that of late.. I haven't been terribly inspired... by anything..  (I chalk it up to the typical malady of a brilliant mind..  The funk.. the boredom..  the occasional search for a worthwhile water tower)  ok.. somethings have been interesting..  Anyway.. nothing worthwhile to write about... Til NOW!!

I went to a reunion..  Now you say to yourself..  Reunion??  What is the big deal??  Why is this of any worth to us as your faithful minions??  How does this affect our wonderful lives and the life of our benevolent leader?  Well...  to explain.. I have to go back..  20 or more years..  I wasn't always the man you see in front of you..  or.. in pictures..  or wherever you may picture me to be..  weird...  BUT.. I was once a very introverted and shy lad..  I was so scared of other people and the world around me.. that I rarely made the effort to get to know anyone.  It was a terrible situation..  brilliant... beautiful...  and yet.. scared to death to walk into class, a party, a park where people were having a good time.  It was absolutely paralyzing.  So.. I did what any level headed person would do, and closed up in my shell and hung out with people that I knew could not judge me.. odd ducks... misfit toys..  Though I looked and acted very different from them.. I was accepted in.. (I stood out more with them than I did the typical people.. picture preppy kid amongst stoners)  I did most of the talking when the cops came around (I had the respectable look about me).. I had a car..LOL  So I buried myself in alcohol and other not so great things.  Hey.. ya can't think..  you don't focus on what eats at ya. 

Fast forward..  Somewhere... somehow..  I cracked out of all of that crap and became a seemingly good member of society.. and then I see the announcement for this little shindig.  I hesitated for a second.. and then my terrible need to push the flashing red button kicked me hard and I put myself all in.  There were a handful of people I simply had to see.. people I adored back then..  The rest of the people were strangers to me..  Hell.. I figured they couldn't judge me..  I didn't know who the hell they were and vice versa..  so hey..  fresh start and stuff.  Plus.. at pushing 40..  it takes a special person to me for me to be terribly concerned about their opinion of me..  plus..  I am still pretty handsome.. (though apparently yet ANOTHER person says I look like Ron White...  WTF...) and I do have the ability to be charming..  So..  with those tools.. I went.  The tour was awesome..  I felt my old nerves creeping in me with the familiarity..  but it was more exhilarating than it was panic-ish..  I got to finally get some face to face time with some people I only met online for this thing..  and catch up with relationships that I had sadly forgotten..  Ate lunch with some neato people and went to the hotel to rest and help set up.

The reunion starts and I go in..  I even cleaned myself up a bit..  Started talking with some people that I was familiar with..  (baby steps, man...) but I knew that wasn't gonna fly forever...  So I started branching out. I would go up to people and say "Hey!!  How the hell are ya doing!!...  Oh.. Sorry.. I am Brooks..  Yeah..  the guy who says shit online..  Glad you found it funny..  Was aiming for that.." and then..  I would go get another beer..  I had no real follow up.. just the mouthy guy with a way with words online...  I get it.. I am a sound bite guy..  LOL  I ran into one of the people whom I considered one of my closest friends in the later part of high school...  not even sure she knew she was... but..  she helped me back then without knowing it.  She was there with her very cool husband and I was comforted (in a sick way) that she was just as full of apprehension as I was.  It was something to exhale and laugh about.  We both looked around and she said "Do you know most of these people?" (in her typical snarky yet classy way) and I replied, "I have noooo fucking idea who the fuck the majority of these people are..." (in my typical slightly less than classy way)  I cannot say that I had a bad experience..  I MET a bunch of good people.  20 years allows a lot of water to flow under the bridge.  Plus.. with all the self promoting I had done prior... I ensured that some people would at least know who the hell I am.  I even got a roar from the crowd when I won a drawing..  I mean..  hey.. I will take a cheer even when the situation took no effort on my part!!  it is how I roll!!  There were some awesome stories told..  I told quite a few self -deprecating ones from way back when "Hey!!  That is the girl that punched my mouth when I slapped her ass at graduation!!"  "Hey!!  That is the room that Suja John yelled at me!!!"  "Hey!!..  I didn't even know we had classrooms there!!'  It was a ton of fun.

I have to thank the committee that put it together..  You guys are awesome and worked your ass off for our enjoyment.  Sue, KriV, Gene and company.. thank you so much!

p.s. I promise the next one will be far angrier and blustery and full of me!!!!

My Damaged Calm... or Clutter Brain Spews Once Again!

Hello, Kiddies!
Back again with more observations, rants, misguided efforts, self-destructive behavior and other snippets o' fun! 

What is it about people's need for drama?  Don't get me wrong...  I like a good play or show (no homo)..  but I am not talking about that sort of drama..  unless it is a dramatic interpretation of a dramatic bunch of people.. in which case.. it is probably a comedy.. hopefully a dark one..  but I digress..   Can not people be happy with rational thought and calm waters?  Again.. once in a while it is hilarious fun sitting in a chaise lounge with a cold drink and popcorn watching stuff implode around you..  but after a while it seems like a tired series of sequels that makes you think to yourself "Why did they make another one?"  Fortunately, they tend to travel in packs, so the likelyhood of a group of them getting hit by a runaway bus is more likely. (and people whine about public transportation..)
I am going to have to admit to something that isn't easy for me to say..   I have a flaw...  Yes..  I know..  my schtick leans toward the omnipotent and above typical shortcomings of your average human..  but real Brooks is speaking here..  I ... am..  intolerant..  There.. I said it.  I don't know if it is from years of working in service and sales  and such..  but the sharp blade of my "Give a damn" has become about as sharp as a wheel of brie.  I have to put forth a huge effort to act interested in people's inane stories..   I have sprained my eyes due to the constant rolling... and I sound like Darth Vader with all the sighing.. and I have scar tissue from trying to jab plastic forks into my head..  but the funny (not really) part of it all is that the person doesn't seem to catch on..  Hmmm,...  Wonder if some of you reading this are having the same feelings towards what I am saying... "Oh Holy jumping jack Jesus on a cracker..  What is Brooks bitching about now?"  as you roll your eyes and sigh..  Guess it is possible..  but then you are the idiot who keeps punishing yourself by coming back on here.  Anyway..  got off track . (I know.. shocker)  I have even told people.. "The subject matter of which you speak does not interest me." and they just kind of stare blankly for a second.. drool.. and then continue with their story.  And then I have to hear the rest of their suicide inducing story in between smacking my head against the counter  "blah blah" (BAM) "something lame" (BAM) "blahdah blah" (BAM)...   I can never seem to reach my sweet coma...  Some people catch on.. and for that I thank you.  The rest of you should stand next to the dramatic people who are standing at the bus stop..
I am having a blast on Friday nights going to the Denton High School football games..  They are absolutely horrible.  God bless them..  they try.. but they SUUUUUCK..  Light cannot escape how bad they are..  The band and the drill team are outstanding.  (that is what we are there for anyway.. GO CHLOE!) and sometimes we will leave after the 3rd quarter..  I do enjoy the atmosphere and everything.  Great way to spend a Friday night, fo sho.
I have a guilty pleasure..  Bad movies..  I LOVE bad movies..  the campier the better.. the lower the budget.. the more awesome.  I feel that Bruce Campbell is the greatest actor of our times.  I never wanted to be a Hollywood A-lister.. but I have wanted to be in direct to video movies.  Just seems like a bunch more fun to me.  Trying to figure out how to get into voice acting isn't easy either.  Feel like it is a calling..  just got to figure out what to do to get in.  Whoa..  back on track..  Bad movies..  Nothing like getting a good laugh at the crappiness of a movie.. If you get a chance and you have Netflicks..  I highly recommend "Rubber".  Watch it..  do not stop it till you are done.. will change your life!!  Such and awesome stinker!!

I think that will be it for the day.  have a good one, my little minions.

Fine.. I will spell out my issue with Frisco...

I am sure if any of you have been paying any kind of attention at all..  you will notice I tend to blow up Frisco, TX a bunch..  or you may know it by its scientific name..  Douchenozzle Central..  ok..  cheap pop..  but I can't help myself.  I speak ill of both the town and its denizens..  and you may ask yourself.  "Why does the typically sweet, kind, and magnanimous Brooks speak ill of the Town Of Frisco and often wish for it to be consumed in the fiery pits of Hades??"  Well kids..  pull up a seat and let Uncle Brooksie break it down for ya.

Now..  before I start bulletpointing the issues I have with Frisco..  let me point out that I have some dear friends that live there and they honestly don't fit the stereotypes I am about to lay on you.  Stereotypes!!!  BROOKS IS PROFILING!!!!???!?!?!  Well.. I am going to let you in on a little secret.. come closer.. ok.. not that close.. personal bubble..  ok.. good..  here is a secret..  There.. is a reason why something becomes a stereotype..  because it has a WEEEEE little bit of truth to it. (or a whooole lot of truth)

Ok..  Now that I have the disclaimer..  Here is a list of why I cannot STAND Frisco.. and all things related to it..

1.)  It and its people have the most odd and undeserved sense of entitlement I have EVER witnessed in my lifetime..  It is the land of the credit rich.  People who are DYING to give the illusion of success and will sacrifice important things to LOOK like they are about something..  yet they teeter ever so perilously to the edge of total failure.
2.) The people are a bouquet of dick..  at my work.. I can pick out a Friscan with little to no effort..  the guys will be wearing a golf visor..  spikey hair..  sunglasses indoors..  either a golf shirt or something too small and Ed hardy.. fashionable $200 jeans with buttons on the ass pocket, Bluetooth earpiece..  the women..  either fake lips and tits...  (Remember.. Frisco is where strippers go to settle down) or very bored housewife look..  usually wearing yoga gear and has the thumbs permanently planted on her smart phone..  the bad color job on the hair..  the TOO BIG sunglasses on.. indoors of course..  they both LOVE to bring up how much they spend at your establishment..  (though they do thankfully seem unable to detect eyerolls and deep sighs thankfully) 
3.) Their kids..  are assholes..  Yeah..  I know.. picking on the kids.. but.. fruit does not far fall from the tree and it seems to evolve into something worse than where it came from.  These kids are absolute jackoffs..  They have a sense of entitlement bigger than anything I have ever witnessed..  It comes from the whole "Everyone is a winner and gets a trophy" and "I know I am your parent, but I want to be liked by you even more!" approach to things..  These frikkin monsters will say stuff to their parents that would have had me shot..  no.. seriously.. Shot...  and the parents try to BARGAIN and plead with these kids.. are you FRIKKIN kidding me??  PUNCH THE KID IN THE FACE!!  oh.. wait.. cant do that?  What about behind closed doors?  Open hand?  No?  son of a bitch...   I have had moms come up to me and ask me if I would tell the kids I wouldnt let them have anymore paint because she didnt want to look like the bad guy...  I have been asked by fathers to tell their kid they couldnt play due to whatever because they didnt have the balls to do it..  What was the common denominator..  these PEOPLE WERE FROM FRISCO!!!  ALL of them.. Shit you not.. true story.. 
4.)  It is FUN to hate Frisco..  try it.. you will like it..  it is an absolute hoot.  It is overcrowded..  it is full of awful people in general (except some of my friends who decided to venture into that place of unholyness..  but I can't hate on them.. Being stupid does not make one douchy..LOL) There is little redeemable about it.  I mean.. it has lots of shopping and restaurants..  but that makes sense..  when you have that many people who love to keep up with the Jones'...  you need to have places to take the douche money!! 

So... to break it all down..  if it looks like douche.. smells like douche.. talks like a douche.. one can come to only one conclusion...  Frisco is STOOOOOPID.

A Point.. You are doing it wrong.

I read a bunch of my friends' blogs.. they have something in common..  something that I haven't quite added to my ramblings and quips..  a point..  They sort of have a focus on what they are doing and writing about.. I just sort of click NEW and let my fingers do the walking..  I should really have a point sometimes..  I suppose it is the malady that has afflicted me ... well.. forever..  I can just... TALK..  Admittedly I suppose it has served me.. I am quicker on the draw than most..  Anyway..  not sure what the point was of bringing that up..  but there..  its too late.. you already read it..  HA!  Victory is mine... and stuff.

So..  Been feeling a bit nostalgic lately..  dunno why..  I suppose it is ok to re-visit the past.  It isn't that I pine for the past..  it wasn't any better/worse than today.  And quite frankly.. I typically avoided visiting the past..  but I have found some comfort in listening to some good and bad 80's music that I hadn't listened to in 20+ years.  I am not talking about the stuff you hear on the radio all the time.. but some of the more obscure stuff..  Amazing what you can find on YouTube..  and much to the chagrin of my followers on the social networks.. I have been posting them..  kind of like having one of those cheesy after football game dances like we used to have in the cafeteria. 

I have been teaching myself PhotoShop.. lol..  again.. MUCH to the chagrin of my minions..  It has brought us the life and time of my ingrown toenail, Capt. FunkyToe.  We get to visit his many misadventures and the life and times of this awesome appendage.  Of course, I expected to and did lose some over sensitive minions when I posted Amy WineToe...  I guess they were surprised and shocked by her early demise.  oh well..  I will push on.. 

I have to find a body shop..  not for me.. but for my Chariot of Doom..  yes the 74 Yellow VW Beetle is as far as I can take it personally.. so I need a body shop to finish the last portion and give it a fresh coat.  I love old VWs..  they have so much character and are REALLY easy to work on. 

Hmmm..  looks like I am writing a fairly vanilla blog this time..  I guess they all can't be quirky, inflammatory, or just plain WTF-ish...  Perhaps that is a good thing.. perhaps I am maturing..  Anything is possible I suppose.

Ok.. it is QUITE simple, folks

(sigh)...  I can't believe I have to actually do this for you people..  but I suppose I will spell it out for you...  I LIVE off of feedback, comments, insults, pat on the back, butt, head..  whatever..  I am high maintenance and require attention.  I am like the most annoying f-ing houseplant/ pet you could ever own.  I am going to teach you how to keep YOUR Brooks happy and thriving..  and even potentially shut him up once in a while.

I am amusing..  funny at times..  I may say something that makes you go "Oh no he di-ent"..  It is what I do.. Not for a living sadly.. but if I did..  that would probably suck the joy out of being me..  I digress..  It isn't even necessarily intentional when I am "being funny"  I just see things in a logical but skewed way compared to many others..  and if it is different, yet something you can relate to..  it is considered humor.  ANYWAY..  This obviously gives some of you some levity in your droning lives, and for that.. I am happy.  On occasion I will say something that I am sure will get a reaction and BAM....  the deafening sound of crickets..  ok..  so it can't all be gold. I then talk to people occasionally on the social networks and they say "I love reading your comments! You are funny, amusing, an asshole, crazy..  blah blah blah..  "  Terrific..  Where the hell were you when I was dying (stage talk) out there!!!  "  Yes..  I realize it is terribly needy of me..  but I have embraced this fact about me.  I LOVE it to be about ME..  By simply liking or saying something inane like" ROFLCOPTOR" or "Shut UP, Brooks!!!"  You are making me have a better feeling of self and I will be less likely to try so hard to get a reaction in the near future!!  More people should recognize their shortcomings like I do!!  Now I simply ask that you cater to it.  I provide a service..  you pay me in your unquestioned love and loyalty..  I think it is a fair trade.  I really should have been on stage on on the radio..  but this is my outlet for the time being.. 

For No Other Reason Other Than To Be Inflammatory

It has been a while, my minions since I have given you my wisdom and guidance.  This is neither..  this is half serious crap I want to spit out..  which means that it is half in fun..  but with some truth..  I live far away from most of you..  so I don't care..  Gas prices are high and the likelyhood of you driving all the way out here to beat me with bluntishly sharp objects are pretty slim.
  It is amazing how comedians can say things that you think but were afraid to say.. especially for a reserved person such as myself... Stay at Home Moms..  supposed to be the hardest job on the planet..  I call shennanigans on that one...  "We should get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for what we do..." you always hear the harpies harping..  Yeah..  sending the kids to nap anytime you want to watch a show..  that is REALLY tough..   bending over to put the DVD in the tray for them to watch some inane Kid Einstein show.. OOOHhh  feel the burn..  Yeah yeah.. any job you do whilst still in your jammies..  big deal.  And before you say "Brooks..  You dont understand what we go through, you thoughtless pig!!"  I SMACK YOU WITH MY RING HAND!!  and say "Oh but I do..  I did the Mr. Mom thing and though sometimes it was a pain in the ass, it wasn't like being an pasty Euro-descent guy on the top of a warehouse roof hanging pipe in the middle of July"  so..  to you ladies..  Thanks for spitting out more annoying little drool bags.. fix your mid-morning cocktail and park your ever expanding butt on the couch and be glad you duped your poor hubby into not putting you to work.  LOL  And the funniest part is..  when that poor bastard walks in the door from a long day of actual work..  the kids will get passed off to him because you are tired from dealing with the little demon spawn all day.. Soooooooo  That is why men die before women do.. because they WANT to..  they need the rest..  Ok.. So I do not think you have it totally easy... but anytime I hear it described as the hardest job ever..  I want to slap a bitch.  Most jobs will FIRE you if you pour a glass of wine at work..
   I hate those frikkin commercials about the homeless, f-ed up pets with Sarah McLachlan singing in the background..  am I bad for thinking that we may be on to something to solve world hunger??? just sayin..  Little fuzzie bastard would eat us if the tables were turned...  YOU KNOW they would..  We solve the unwanted pet over-population.. and fill hungry tummies.. 
   Oh, holy crap... my wife is playing somgs from Glee after playing some awesome 80's music..  (sigh) I cant legally uppercut her I suppose..  Oh well.. only about 35 more years before I can drop...

I hate when I can't take credit for stuff..

No other way around it.. I am.. a glory hound..  I lose badly..  I win worse... but I have gotten better about it..  Now I keep the calm exterior and seethe on the inside.  I, for the most part, do not lose at things.  I am sooo careful about most everything I do that has any smidgeon of competitiveness.  I will research, study, contemplate every scenario .. just so that I can stay a few moves ahead of everyone.  Board games with me.. aren't even the least bit fun for the other people.  I employ psychological warfare at every possible chance.  When I play Chess or even Monopoly, I use "Shock and Awe" techniques..  I can figure out what buttons to push on my competitors within seconds.. and then do my best to have them a sniveling mess before we are halfway through the game.  I realize there is a certain sickness to this..  One should not beat the 9 yr old in Chess or Life and jump up and yell "PWNED, NOOB!!  Get wrecked, BEYOTCH!! IN YOUR FACE!!!" while doing a victory dance.  It just isn't right. Or so I am told..  I don't brag about my gaming prowess or anything.  Bragging is a sign of self-esteem issues..  a weakness..  It shows a need for others to praise.  I will show a false humility to lull them into a state of comfort before I ram it up their ass..  in a Milton Bradley sort of way.  That in of itself is a sign that I have issues.  I guess I will just file them with the other ones I have.

Went to Scarborough Faire with the family.  We had a blast.  I didn't get to partake of the mead or other adult stuff due to being with the family, but that was fine.  We got the girls' hair braided, got Samantha a battle axe, got Chloe a henna tattoo, and watched a bunch of shows.  All of that stuff is great, but it is the people watching that is the main reason to go.  I am completely convinced of my belief that the geeks and nerds have the most fun.  They dress up and get into character without the worry or concern of what people think or say about them.  They are all into the moment.  They have the awesome imaginations..  The "too cool" crowd doesn't know what they are missing.  Too worried about appearances and such..  Why do the odd ducks run around in tights and costumes and play games deemed dorky?  Because they are having fun!  They aren't hindered by the trappings of what is deemed cool or not.  I think it is monumentally awesome.

It was great to have the rare Saturday off this past weekend.  My mother came into town and we all went to the Denton Arts & Jazz Festival.  It was a bunch of fun.  Got to see the Denton High Jazz Band my daughter is a part of play at one of the main stages.  I felt spoiled to get to spend some time with my family.  I really missed them.  I figured out with my work schedule, I get to see them 3 or so hours on Mon- Thurs, Don't see my girls really on Friday and Saturday at all.. and then I get to see them for 2 to 3 hours on Sunday.  It really bites.. 

Ok..  I see this weeks blog isn't the usual goofyness that I typically throw down..  but you get me.. scars and all, I suppose, when you buy a ticket for a ride on the Brooks Express. 

A gorgeous slab of awesome taken off a chunk of "Whoa"

Made you look!  ok..  So I haven't anything specific today to talk about.. just kind of letting the letters fall where they may.  But then..  rarely do I have anything specific to talk about..  eh.. devil in the details..  This past week was a pretty good week.  Which makes me concerned..  I do better in stress and difficult situations.. I know that doing that tears me up physically, mentally and emotionally..  but I have trouble trusting when things are going too well..  It is that whole "Ok.. this was easy... too easy..." and then THWAP... poison dart into the side of the neck.. THUD..  end scene as a heap on the floor..  Perhaps that is why I tend to stir things up.. I need something to figure my way out of.. or find a way to fix something..  Such an attractive quality, eh ladies?  Fortunately, I have a VERY patient wife who has a gunslingers speed in popping the "Quit being a dumbass" bullet into me..  I love her for that. 
So anywho..  Though I am a very young at heart guy... (sometimes to a fault)..  I have been in some situations that have made me realize.. I don't pass as a young hipster..  (just by saying that.. I am proving my point)  I went with Rach after a date to a coffee shop on Denton Square..  we walk in and it is filled with a people..  (though not a ton of variety of people)  It was your high school artsy kids (there because they can't get into a bar or buy those fancy clove cigarettes..)  and the studying college student with his pc based laptop..  and then the granola munching mid -20s douches and douchettes working with an air of contempt on their macbooks..  and then there was Rach and I...  the coffee bar is a looooong skinny rectangle...  the entrance is on one end and the coffee purchasing area is on the faaaaar other end..  So..  here we were.. walking this gauntlet of people who are staring at us like we are some alien life forms who have walked in on the middle of a dinner party.  Had there been a record player..  the needle would have scratched across the vinyl.  I started to sweat and pulled Rachel to walk faster down the corridor of judgement.  I had the sudden, nauseating realization that perhaps..  just maybe... I wasn't the coolest guy in the room..  it made my knees weak..  We pushed forward to the coffee maker stand..  hours had passed it seemed.  There was no line.. so we walked up..  me being stooped over from the pilgrimage across the self-realization valley of dread.. I did not see at first what was in front of me..  A frikkin, honest-to-God Viking..  Thor was my creator of caffeinated ambrosia..  I kid-you-not..  this guy was 6 foot 87 inches..  more broad than two Me's..  long blong hair and a blond beard.  And then Thor says (and as he opens his mouth I wait for an echoing of thunder) "Hey guys.. what can I get for you today?" with a big happy, doofy.. possibly baked grin..  You could have knocked me over with a feather at this point.   I mumbled something about how the God of Thunder gig wasn't working out with the economy.. he looked confused.. but still happy... So I spoke up and ordered Rach and I a couple of Latte' drinks .. TO GO.  He happily took out order and started making our drinks..  and to top it off.. Thor made shamrock emblems out of our foam..  So we went back through the gauntlet of judgement..  and they looked as relieved about us leaving as we were about leaving.  We got to my car and buckled in..  and started laughing.. Ugh.. we used to be cool.
On Tuesdays nights..  we have family night..  We go out to eat..  everyone in the family as a turn in picking the restaurant.  Afterwards, we go grocery shopping together..  Me, Rach, Chloe, and Sammie..  It is family time together..  We like it.. it is something to look forward to.  Well..  the other week..  It didn't work out for whatever reason.  I had to go shopping during the middle of the day on Tuesday.  ( I am off on Mondays and Tuesdays) .  So, I drove to Kroger Signature in Denton.. I started shopping..  Now..  anyone who knows me... knows that I can be comfortable in most situations..  I adapt well... have a chameleon-like personality.. and have the annoying habit of picking up the dialect and speech patterns of people I speak to immediately without realizing I do it.  For some reason... Kroger made me lose my cool..  all of a sudden I couldn't make eye contact with people..  I got antsy.  I headed over to produce.. it was crowded.. but I have to follow my list completely.. I soldiered in.  I don't have the layout memorized for the produce at this store, so I am going back and forth..  there were an inordinate amount of the motorized chair baskets in there..  .. and most of the good produce was at higher levels..  Usually.. I am helpful and will assist people in need..  These people for whatever reason seemed like hostile little trolls in go-carts today..  I wasn't about to step on that landmine..  so I would weave and speed past them.. back and forth due to prior mentioned non-familiarity with the layout all the while craning my neck back and forth like a frikkin loon to avoid eyeballing the tubby troll motorized basket biker gang.. My hair was standing on end on the back of my neck..  my hackles were up..  My mouth was dry..  I said "Screw it!" to the cucumbers on the list due to the high concentration of basket trolls...  and heading up and to the right to place me on the dairy/ meat aisle.  I headed towards meat and saw this push-basket moving seemingly on its own..  That did not help my freak out at all..  as I got closer.. with a sack of oranges in hand in case I needed to wing it at whatever hellspawn might be moving the cart.. I noticed the driver..  It was a VERY short old lady..  covered in coats.. mega white hair.. and ear muffs..  yes.. ear muffs..  85 degrees outside.. earmuffs..  The smell of my apprehension and fear mingled with her generous use of perfume..  I moved past..  looked back.. didn't see her.. and looked forward to the meat case where I was heading and BAM..  there she was again.. asking about why the trout special wasn't still going on to the attendant.. I decided I would go check out the dry goods first that I needed..  I went past her on every other aisle.. I am not sure how she pulled this off as I was moving a good 3x faster than her.  For whatever reason, it was the ear muffs that flipped me out..  I just could not wrap my mind around it..  I could deal with her obvious teleportation skills.. and the rows of sharp pointy teeth..  (ok.. perhaps I imagined that part)  but the earmuffs..  those damn muffs.. I finished my shopping as quickly as possible.. and headed out.. I had spent well under my weekly budget and had gotten most everything on the list (sans cucumbers) ..  which goes to show that I am a very cheap bargain shopper, even in the face of a grocery based post apocalyptic universe that seemed to open a portal in Kroger that day.  I went and picked up the oldest daughter from school right after that due to me being right next to the highschool..  She was less than supportive..  She got a huge kick out of my freakout..  laughing to tears..  I think it is time she start paying rent.
So... I started back in Karate just recently.  I also got my youngest, Sammie, into it..  Sammie is an interesting case..  It amazes me how two kids with the same genetic makeup can be so different.  Both of my kids are ridiculously smart..  comes from having two intelligent parents.  Chloe is very social, adaptive, musically talented, athletic, in the gifted programs.. Sammie seems to transcend everyone else in the family in the sheer brain horsepower.  Me, Rach, and Chloe all have a very healthy respect (fear) of this kid and her mind. LOL  She has always been the one they move to classes to help the other kids with grasping their studies..  She is a fantastic artist and was made a Docent for an art show, It is eery the grasp she has of ideas and thoughts.  The things that come out of this kid has me gobsmacked.. but her hyper analytical mind has its downfalls, too.  She over analyzes EVERYTHING.  Whenever we want to try something like bike riding or swimming or the such..  she has already figured out all the things that can and will go wrong.  She has trouble just letting go and doing stuff.  If it isn't academic or artsy, she doesn't want to do it for fear of disappointing or not being immediately adept.  I am not sure why she is so hard on herself or why she is so critical of everything she does.  She does not handle embarrassment well AT ALL.  I am not sure where she gets that..  being that Rach and I are pretty darned laid back.  Anyway..  there is the back story..  I signed us up for Karate because I loved it before..  it was great for stress.. and it was exercise I liked to help me drop some of these pounds.  I knew Sammie needed something althletic to do.. to help her get into shape and to expand her interests.  I was fully prepared for a melt down.  So there we were..  she got her gi on.. and headed to the mat.  She absolutely loved it!  She even fell down and hurt her pride at one point..  but as soon as she pulled it together, ran out on the mat to rejoin the group.  (That is SOO not her style)  She had her first sparring match recently and won.  All she does is rave about it..  she practices her patterns and forms more than I do.  I am so thrilled she is down with something like this.  I think maybe that she might get the same thing I do out of it.. when I spar, I feel free..  I don't have the worries of bills, work, life in general.. 
Ok... that is enough for you guys to digest for now..  talk to you, my minions, later.

Oops, I did it again! Looks like I pissed off a special breed of Gleeks

Many of you that know me...  know that I enjoy a little bit of what can be referred to as "poking the bear" ..  I sometimes..  rarely.. but sometimes like to stir things up if only for the sake of entertainment.  Hey.. everyone likes a good train wreck once in a while..  So... I had an itch..  I created a Facebook page called "I Hate Lea Michele"  If you don't know who that is.. it is the lady that plays the brunette chick on "Glee" named Rachel.  Do I hate this person?? No.  Don't know the person..  Her character is annoying and makes you want to kick her down an endless Spartan hole...  but..  she may just be an ok actress who is going for that effect.. I don't know.  But anyway... I started the page just to see what would happen with it.  I posted absurd things as to why people should join me in my jihad against Lea Michele.  Things such as "Lea Michele eats baby kittens for breakfast"  "The sounds of forks scraping against plates sound better than her"  "She drinks smoothies made out of puppies".. stuff like that.. At first it was a slow trickle..  People who didn't care for her for whatever reason posted their little snippets here and there.  It was sort of fun..  but then.. this week.. a group of zealot-like Gleeks found my site..  They were outraged!!  How dare we make fun of the most talented singer in the known universe!!!  So.. they start spamming my page with mean comments and such..  I laughed...  ALOT.  With them coming on and filling my site with content, they successfully boosted "I Hate Lea Michele" to the front page of the Google searches.  They even started an anti-I hate Lea Michele twitter account called the United Union Of Lea Michele.. or UULM as they affectionately call each other.. I am basking in the attention!!  They are threatening to bring me down!!!  I picture in my head an angry village mob (who happen to like show tunes) with their pitchforks and torches banging at my castle walls.  It is GLORIOUS!!  I just sit back and it has taken a life of its own..  people bickering about the most inane things!!  People on both sides are absolutely losing their shit over this!!  Oh.. sure.. I will occasionally add something to the effect of "A kid asked the Make a Wish Foundation to get Lea Michele to stop singing as his last wish...  discuss"  or "Countries from all over the globe have replaced waterboarding with making prisoners listen to Lea Michele sing with amazing results"  ... you know.. just to keep the fire going... but that is it!  30 seconds out of my day..  I have even brought up that I appreciate the content and for everyone to keep going...  I have even gone as far as stating on the site EXACTLY what I am doing as far as accomplishing what I wanted to do in getting people twisted...  they don't get it.  I guess I could just grow up..  but it is really hard not to mess with people when they make it effortlessly easy!

Oh no... brain smatter all over my wall...

No.. not brain matter..  I haven't given up on you people yet to the tune of swallowing a bullet... or even eating pop-rocks and washing it down with soda..  Just some random things (I know..  me being random..  what other category would anything I do fall under?)  that have been brought to my attention..  however fleeting my attention span may be.  I haven't written much..  not lately...  other things have been on my mind.   I am typically a laid back individual.. at times to a fault.  BUUUUUT... lately..  I have let life and such get to me a bit..   I have been stressed..  and it has reared its ugly head..  I even had a ....  pensive look on my face for a bit... 
I honestly feel like I am missing out on my family's life.  I work every weekend..  12 to 14 hours a day..  I basically get to see my kids at around 7pm on Sunday night..  It is rough.  I miss the band concerts..  I miss the art shows..  I miss just running around at the mall with all of them to pick out whatever dress or shoe or item needed for something coming up..  I miss it all...  It honestly tugs at my soul.  My oldest is a freshman in high school..  She will be off to college in a few years.  I grew up with this kid..  I was a young guy with a lot of growing up to do when she was born...  So, we kind of grew up together.  And soon..  she will be off to make her own life.  I need to find a way to be there for my family.
Switching gears now..  I have been watching DVDs of the show "Mad Men". Holy jumping jack Jesus on a cracker...  I was born in the wrong time!!  Where the hell do I sign up for the time machine ride.  The year is 1960.  Men were men.  Not crying lil sensitive yes men.  But Men.  You wore a suit to work.  You looked impeccable.  You drank and smoked... well.. EVERYWHERE.  (That was before cigarettes were bad...  they were good for you back then..LOL)  The women... Oh.. the women..  they wore dresses..  they lived to be at the beck and call of the men...  they had CURVES!!!  (Thank GOD..  the show is full of soft, curvy women.. not twiggy flagpoles)  Now.. before you girls go off on how sexist I am being..  the women often got their way too...  manipulative (not necessarily a bad thing) and also the men wanted to make sure their women were happy, too.  People had some grace and manners.  Hell..  for all of that, I could come up with all kinds of great ways to pitch advertising for laxatives.
I am not terribly sure what my future holds.. what I will be doing..  I don't know..  For me..  that is rough.  Though it seems like I am chaotic at times..  just randomly bouncing about..  Most everything I say or do is carefully thought out and controlled to bring about a certain action or reaction. I am a bit of a control freak when it comes to my emotions and actions.  I don't feel the level of control I used to over life.  It is a scary thing to think about.. change.. Sometimes sanity can be a comforting thing.  Right now, I could go for a little boredom.

So maybe I won't be keeling over soon...

Life has a way of humbling you..  bring the proud to one knee..  take you down that notch when you are feeling like invincible.  I have something to cop to..  I am going to make a declaration here..  the truth is..  I am frightened as hell about growing old.  Am I alone in this?  No..  Many of us grasp at the remnants of our youth..  we say our children keep us young..  Some go through mid-life crisis.. some dye their hair..  Everyone has their way of coping, I suppose.  I know I can't make myself crazy over this..  Ok.. I could.. but I don't want to..  Some may say that I act the way I do in an effort to hold on to my youth..  I could see why some would say that..  but it seems that the way I act is the one thing that hasn't really changed..  It is more of an arrested development.  I am going gray..  My facial hair is very salt and pepper and I have the touches of silver on my temples.  I look in the mirror..  my face .. well.. is my face..  more lines..  little more tired looking..  I know I look like..  a dad.  I suppose I am mature enough as to not try too hard.  I'm not going to color my hair..  (One of the benefits of being a guy..  we can still look bitchin' with some silver. Sorry ladies.. I don't make societies rules.. )  I am not going to get some midlife crisis sports car..  I am not going to dress in douche-like clothes..  (no Ed Hardy, Affliction, etc..   It just looks sad and it reeks of trying way too hard)  I just don't want to wait to die.  I don't feel like I have covered everything I should have..  I feel like there is more to do.. more to accomplish.
Why all this introspection?  I got scared..  The other day I was chilling..  and suddenly I felt like I got hit in the head by a baseball bat.  It was a blinding pain.  It didn't last too long..  I went to bed to sleep it off..  and I had minor little migraine type headaches for about a week.  Nothing extreme.. more of the I could feel a headache coming on if it wanted to.  I know I should have gone to the doctor right then..  but to be honest, I was scared of what I might hear.  I know I am saying the word scared a bunch..  but I guess it makes it real to me.  I am not a "scared" type of guy.  I will joke and goof around..  but not a huge fear guy.  I guess I was raised to kind of brush it off..  to see it as a weakness in character..  Even if I felt it..  I pushed it down inside.  I tend to do everything I can to know what I am getting into..  not a fan of surprises... and rarely get surprised.  This was different.  I was petrified.  I kept much of my feelings to myself.  I prefer to show a strong side for my family..  I don't like showing weakness as a general rule..  and I didn't want to deal with the teasing from friends that I was over-reacting.  I know I have been guilty of telling people not to worry about things when they bring up whatever their concern is.. or tell them they are over-reacting..  or just saying "You're fine"..  I know when I did that, I thought I was helping..  I wasn't.  I was minimizing their concerns.  That went through my head during the week and over the weekend, so I didn't bring up a bunch of details to anyone.  One side note..  if you feel you have an illness or symptoms... go to the doctor.. DO NOT GO ON WEB MD...  That shit will fuck with your head.  I looked up the symptoms I had..  One of the first things to click when I let it know where I was hurting and such was "Was this the worst headache you have ever had?"  I thought to myself..  "Well.. Yes!'  mostly due to the fact that I have NEVER had a migraine before..  so I clicked yes..  WEB MD promptly stated that I had an aneurysm.  WHAT????  It didn't list any other possible symptoms or illnesses..  just "HEY, dude..  you have a blood vessel in your brain that is about to 86 your ass!"  SO I promptly backed out and decided that maybe .. perhaps that wasn't the worst headache I have ever had..  I went through some of the other stuff..  and it gave me a bunch of possible death sentences.  What seemed to fit the most was something called Cluster Headaches..   lovely..  I quit smoking and now I get to have my body fall apart.  So..  anyway..  I called the doctor this morning to go in..  I went in.. The Nurse Practitioner (whom I think is the shizz) went over everything... listened to what I had to say and my concerns..  (without calling me a big crybaby pussy) and said, "Hey..  well if you waited this long.. if it had been a stroke..  we probably wouldn't be talking."  Good point..  So she told me it probably wasn't a tumor or an an aneurysm, but to check in with her next week.  She put me on a steroid for a few days to see if it helps clear something up in case of sinus infection or whatever.
So, now..  I don't drink much.. I don't smoke..  (like an Adam Ant video)((Don Draper would be crying right now.. if he knew how to))  ..   Now it is going to be a real challenge to maintain my edgy-ness.. LOL  How do I keep the gruff swagger I have worked for YEARS to perfect..  I am coming close to middle age.. I guess I could try to rock the plaid shorts..  dark socks.. sandals.. tucked in polo shirt..  ick...
Ugh.. enough sensitivity and emotional crap for now..  I really must be losing my edge..  I guess everyone will have to learn to adjust to a slightly less edgy, more smooth than rough Brooks....  sorry, ladies.

The Day That I Am Going To Lose A Portion Of My Female Fanbase.

I have no misconceptions of what this is going to do.  It is going to do the same thing that many of the things I do, do.  It is going to stir a pot..  but this is no doubt going to be a BIG ASS cauldron stirred by a big ass oar..  But I stir this pot not merely to sit back and watch it boil over for my enjoyment..  I do it .. because I feel it needs to be said. And what needs to be said is simply this...

Some of you ladies..  need to SERIOUSLY get over yourself.

There.. I said it.  but wait..  I can hear the calls into the night... asking, "Why?  Why oh Why must we get over ourselves, Brooks?"  "You must hate women!!  You must be...  (gasp) a Chauvinist!"

Oh nay nay, I say!!  I love women!  I was raised by a very strong woman with a mean right hook, I might add.  I have every respect in the world for them.  I believe they can do anything a man can do (except the whole snow writing thing...  but you have the child birth thing to trump that one...)  But fair enough..  I cannot say such a harsh thing without reason..  I will give you my reasons..  and here is where there will be some teeth and venom.. and nastiness.. and ..  well.. lots of stuff that might piss you off..

When did it become ok to berate your partner on social networks..  to your friends..  etc??  Now..  I know it is big on sitcoms for the cute wife to constantly cut down or treat the slovenly husband like an idiot..  but somehow... some ladies find this as acceptable and cute behavior..  If the tables were turned..  the same ladies would be SCREAMING emotional abuse!!  If you know me..  I laugh at most everything in life..  I don't take much too seriously.. but lets play fair, kiddies...  If I posted or told my friends that my wife was in the doghouse..  or was going to pay for whatever transgression..  I would be a total tool..  Guess what ladies..  if you do that??   I have another word for you..  Yep..  the holy momma of all words hated by females across the board.  Hell... even I won't say it..  I am not THAT tough.  This person is your partner..  not your whipping boy.  If that truly is the case.. I feel sorry for that poor bastard and yet I have a feeling you will be SHOCKED when he hooks up with some trollop that at least makes him feel like he is still a man.  Do I condone this?  no.   But it is a reality you very well may have to face if you keep up this ridiculous crap.  Respect each other.  You will feel better about the relationship, too.  Women do not want some spineless jellyfish..  and frankly, ladies..  we could do without you trying to be our momma.  When you call your hubby a dumbass or any other kind of name in front of your friends... most of us don't think it is funny... it is tragic..  but sadly.. you mistake the nervous laughter as some sort of positive acknowledgement.  Dumb Ass.

Ok.. next..  If I see another list of what all you do and how you are on call 24/7/365..  I am going to punch you in the ovary..  ok..  I can't back that up.. but I will look at you with a very uncomfortable amount of disdain.  You are a cook, a maid, a taxi service, a doctor, a cop, a blah blah blah..    Congrats..  You are doing your frikkin job.  Step off the pedestal... or step off your cross, ya martyr..  if you have a good marriage or partnership or whatever the hell else you have going..  they are doing it too..  And this one is going to make many of you want to kick me in the junk....  if your self esteem is so low, that you need me or anyone else to give you props for popping out some ankle biters..   I am truly sorry that things are that bad with you.  (And don't say you don't care about what I or others think..  you proved different by making it public)  You signed up for this when you decided to have a child.  It is your job.  I want to tear my hair out whenever I read these self serving little snippets about being everything and never getting a break and I give my all and expect nothing in return but for people to worship my selflessness...  GAAAAHHHH!!!! Want a pat on the head?  Ok..  I will humor you..  Congrats on getting knocked up..  To be fair, I feel the same way about fathers that brag about paying the bills, teaching the kids how to play, changing diapers, doing laundry..  FUCKER... IT IS YOUR JOB, TOO! NONE OF YOU GET GOLD STARS FOR DOING SOMETHING THAT IS YOUR JOB!!!   Moms, Dads..  You BOTH are supposed to feed, support, house, clothe, and try to ensure the lil brats don't grow up to be complete douchebags... THAT IS YOUR JOB!  If you get satisfaction for what you do and how you parent, that is truly awesome!  I am sincere about that.  There is a ton of satisfaction in raising some seemingly well adjusted kids.  But please,  do not have expectations of other people to praise you for doing the exact damn thing you are supposed to be doing.  I will admit..  there are many parents out there that do NOT do there job... that is for a different day.

Now before some of you get bent out of shape... this was to no one specific..  it was simply an observation of the goings on.  Are we guys perfect..  Absolutely not.  We screw up..  we smell bad sometimes..  we can be gross... we can be forgetful..  the list goes on..  but the truth is..  You chose US.  And guess what.. We chose YOU, too.  Love what you have.  We will do the same.  And for God's sake, ladies.. PLEASE learn to love yourselves, so you don't need other people to acknowledge all you do.  Desperately fishing for complements..  SOOO unbecoming

A Mad Scramble of GAAAAHHH!!!

Alone in my thoughts..  not as entertaining as one would think..  Things tend to go dark when I am left to my own devices..  LOL Anyway.  My brain is a crazy 80's mix tape of random crap that is going on.  Ok.. The Japanese Tsunami and earthquake..  I feel bad for them in a way..  probably not as much as I should..  ok.. it crosses my mind when I see a headline..  there.. just being honest.  I understand it was tragic..  but on the bright side (and I may catch some "you are being insensitive" flak for this... BUT if anyone can bounce back from getting their proverbial shit pushed in..  it is the Japanese..  they went from a nuclear wasteland to a overpopulated juggernaut in less than 30 years..  we ALL have some wonderful products in our home made by them!  And most of the time they make it better than we do!  If we had something happen to us that was on the scale to getting nuked..  not once.. but twice....  we would be whining and crying..  Those bastards showed up to work the next day glowing..  Don't worry about those guys..  they got this.
I want to apologize now to my parents for any teenage drama bullshit I put them through..  It is ridiculous.. It is stupid.. and in the end it means nothing at all..  Youth is SOOO wasted on the young.
I need a change..  something to freshen things up in a big way.  I am at a point in my life where I want to make my mark..  I am far too bright, charming, etc.. to not be destined for some sort of greatness..  Some people were meant to make the fries..  some of us have divine purpose..  I have always felt I was meant for some sort of greatness, but they don't seem to pass out the pamphlet on where you are supposed to do it.. or pick it up..  build it like some sort of IKEA table..  I don't know..  Maybe I will post up a poll..
I guess I will be heading to Watauga tomorrow to check on my dad.  I haven't seen him since he left the hospital.  He seems to be doing great.
I don't like an empty house..  no noise.. no people..  Don't get me wrong.. I like some alone time..  but when I am done with it.. I need warm bodies.  My Boba Fett cardboard stand up doesn't offer much companionship.. 
Eh..  I am getting sleepy.. 

Oh teh noz... Mah brayn ain't workin' so good-like..

I have had many good experiences in my life..  maybe not good at the time..  but good in that they make for a hell of a story to tell later..  I have no problem laughing at myself... Hell... there is a ton of material to laugh at..  If you cannot laugh at yourself, well.. then you are a douchecake.  MOST everyone knows that my short term memory.. well it sucks..  like a Hoover on steroids type suckage.  But my long term memory is ridiculously detailed and a bit scary..  or it was..  I was thinking about the one and only time that I got swats in school.  Knowing me and looking at me.. I wasn't the "Get Swats" type of guy...  I looked clean cut..  I was a bit preppish..  a charming rogue..  but nevertheless..  I got whooped.. 
Our story begins in speech class..  I remember the class well.  I can't remember the teacher's name..  but I know she had a bit part in Robocop... took me to her church once because I was curious about what a big black Baptist church was like .. and didn't like the fact that I called her Caliente Cocoa..  (which I thought was Hot Chocolate in Spanish... so sue me.. I took Latin).. anyway..  She was absent..  and we had a substitute teacher..  some guy..  anyway..  I was passing notes of a risque nature back and forth with this friend of mine who was a chick but I do not remember her name..  There may have been things about edible undergarments..  calling the lass "Lust bunny" and other sort of embarrassing things..  Well..  the substitute took his job VERY seriously and after catching us passing the note.. sent us both to the office..  Crap..  She (of whose name I do not recall) went to the chick VP.. I went to VP Nathan Purvis..  Mr. Purvis read the note..  told me my options (4 hours saturday detention or 3 swats on the butt) and I selected the swats.  I will be damned if I was going to be up at NHS at 8 am on a Saturday..  So... he called my mom..  and read the note... to my mom....  They both had trouble not laughing.. I had trouble not crawling under my chair..  Mr. Purvis said 'Mrs. Smith...  Christopher (obviously I wasn't a trouble maker.. he did not know the name I went by) has chosen to take 3 licks with the paddle.. " I heard her over the phone..  she laughed and said "Let em have it!"  So..  I bent over a rolling chair..  (not the most stable getting-your-ass-whipped platform..)  He swung the first time... I flew into the book case..  got back up..  stabilized better.. and then he nailed me the 2 remaining times.. albeit bookcase free this time.  So, I got up..  Purvis put out his hand to shake mine..  I shook it in submissive humiliation.. and walked out the door.  I met the girl (whose name STILL escapes me) on the way back to class.. she had a concerned look on her face and asked "are you ok?  I could hear it from across the office"  I said "Yeah..I was hoping I would get lunch out of it, though.. "  I don't think she got it.. I asked about her punishment.. she got one hour after school detention..  So much for equal rights..  You gals can bitch about your glass ceiling all you want..  You arent getting your butt pounded..  (in retrospect.. that sounds bad..  but I am keeping it in.. if only for that reason)
Anyway..  out of that whole story.. the most upsetting thing to me is that I cannot remember people's names.. 

Loaded .44 on the low, where my cheese at? or simply put.. Observations..

Did the title make sense?  no?  s'okay..  it was just there to perk curiosity... and give me street cred...  because I am gangsta..  and stuff..  More than anything, this is just a smattering of things I have actually taken at least a few seconds to think about..  Once you start reading it..  you may ask your self, "Why?"  I have no answer for that...  I know I could focus on more productive things, but I cannot truly help what crosses my mind.   Like now...  I am thinking to myself.  'Brooks...  this is a truly narcissistic endeavor.."  I have to agree with myself on that one...  Do people really care what I observe?  Again.. I have no true answer for that..  but deep down I have to assume that I truly think highly of myself to the point of that if I were a person on the outside looking at me.. I may truly think to myself, "What a self important asshole!"  I would probably be right about myself...  but I digress...
This is not an uncommon observation..  I mean.. it can't be..  but you all have noticed that whenever a new type reality show comes out..  someone else comes out with a doppelganger of it.. with some minor twists..  and it is branded as original..  case in point..  "Little People, Big Ass World" v. "Little Couple"..  first you started out with "Little peeps. big world.."  You got a family of Little People.. (that is the preferred term.. so I will play their silly little game.. no pun intended) Ok..  so just the parents and one of four kids are little.. the rest of the kids are regulation height.. they own a pumpkin farm.. run a few businesses..  do some public speaking... blah... kind of boring..  (though I would pay serious money to see the video of the dad doing a sobriety test when he got his DWI..  Yeah yeah.. scoff all you want..  but you know..  deep down in that dark pit in your gut,.. you would be laughing your ass off at the little guy face planting from too many body shots off of a strippers stomach..  ok.. I added the last part..  but now it is in your head..)  ok.. off track a bit here..  Now..  a television guy sees this show and goes "Hey!!  I want some of that Little Person action!" and makes a new show.  Ok.. so your show has a family of mixed height..  My new show has a couple and they are both Little!!  100% Little Family!  You have a business man husband in yours..  I will trump that with my business man dude and raise your ass with a doctor wife!!!  A preemie baby doctor at that!!  BOOYAAH!  ok.. so it is an odd and inane observation.. but I hope you learned a valuable lesson from this and these shows... and that is..  even the little people wives are nagging harpies!!!  Yes..   They blow their dudes up and lead them by the noses, albeit with cutesy munchkin voices..  though somehow that makes them more sinister.
When I was visiting my father at the hospital all this week (thank you to all for your prayers and well wishes)..  there was only one elevator working ..  I know this slowed things up, but I didn't mind.. wasn't like I was in a hurry..  but strangely, some people were..  we would have 4 or 5 people waiting for the elevator..  and when it finally opened..  there was always one or two jackholes who would basically push and rush into the elevator..  Um..  that sort of thing puts Brooks into "Mosey mode"  They haven't caught on to the fact that if you get in the elevator first..  it doesn't mean you are going to win the Elevator Race..  in fact.. first on usually means you are pushed to the back..  you arent going to get to the next floor minutes before the rest of the people in the elevator..we get there at the same time... but if you must make it a competition..  then fine..  I crown you elevator king or queen...  I will push all the buttons to all the floors to make you a pretty light show as an award for your achievement.
And what is it about a Chicago accent that can take a hot chick and make her far less appealing? That is one of the most heinous regional dialects there are..Shhhh.. just don't talk, baby!
Ehh.. I am bored and I have to get ready for work...  Bye

Trying to figure out why I am me...

I think it is important that everyone looks into themselves and asks questions..  How did I get here?  Why am I who I am?  Where did this odd fetish for cheaply made, cardboard robot costumes come from?  All of the important questions...
Don't take this as some sort of pity party.. it isn't.. I actually have and had a pretty good life, all things considered..  It was just different than some of yours.  I don't believe in blaming who you are against things or people in your past.  Every day we all make decisions on who we are and how we are going to react to it.  I don't think of myself as a bad person.. quite the contrary.  I have the feeling that many of the people I know..  or know me..  don't know me..  totally..  get it?  I know it has to do with some defense mechanisms I have put up over the years .. <insert psycho-babble>  A bunch of people see me as larger than life.. no fat jokes, dicks... but in reality..  I was painfully shy for most of my life... that still kicks in and tries to rear its ugly head today.  Now, the people who knew me <i.e. talked to on a semi-regular basis> would never have grasped that concept..  if I felt safe with you..  I wouldn't shut up..  I was a cocky, yet semi-harmless, charming jerk. LOL  I suppose high school is the best example..  because most everyone went to high school..  and they have reunions and such afterwards later on in life.. so it is all linked and such.  Let's dig in.

I was, for the most part, very much to myself.  And by that.. I mean.. I was in my own little world.  An ADHD addled mind is a crazy assed place to hang out..  then put medications for it into the mix..    So it was either ..  non-treated ADHD..  I was falling asleep all the time.. or my brain was doing a few thousand things a second.. so.. I was about as focused as a squirrel on a cocaine bender.... or I was medicated..  and then I was just a zombie..  no personality..  drooling..  la la land zombie..  minus the brain eating thing..  I am sure that would have been a major faux pas..  I don't honestly remember a whole lot about the heavy details of school..  just snippets.  I think I got along with most everyone, but looking back.. I never (even now) knew how I was perceived. It just wasn't an awareness I had.  I think that is something that your student council types, popular types..  etc..  have.  A self awareness..  That is a good thing to have!  I was in an odd place..  I was very much into me..  but had no idea of how I was seen or what was going on in the world around me.  Except for my horrible grades (thank God I was a great tester.. I just didn't do homework) life at Nimitz was pretty good.  I did what I could to get by.. grades-wise.. social-wise..  I lied a lot.. cheated a lot.. did the fake it til you make it type thing.. and for the most part.. it worked. My parents tried their best with me..  sending me to a shrink to have someone to talk to.. but I just told them and the shrink what I knew they wanted to hear.  I edited my report cards..   forged progress reports..   There were a few guys that I think could smell something wrong with me, so they would push me around on a semi-daily basis..  but I really didn't harbor any anger towards them.. I knew I was kind of weird and figured it was just par for the course..  Even at the reunion, I went and tried to talk to one.  I figured 20 years.. water under the bridge..  that sort of thing.  I chatted him up a bit (typical small talk.. wife, kids..).. he seemed uncomfortable..  I didn't push the issue.  Though he did seem like a nice guy and had a lovely wife.  I did get to meet some people that I went to school with for years, but had never met.  Got to go to Angelo's for the first time!  See?   I was that much out of the loop! LOL.. anyway.. I can sense my train of though de-railing..  back to the story.  I never could figure out my lack of confidence..  I had too many things that contradicted that in so many ways..  I thought of myself as very good looking, charming, and smart...  but I froze in situations that I was not familiar with.  I would not ask out a girl for the most part..  waiting for them to ask me out. (obvious fear of rejection issues) I think I nearly dated a teacher though..  that is for another time.  I was.. and I still am fiercely competitive..  I did not lose well...  nor did I win with grace.  I guess in a way, I was kind of an asshole in that area.  We had the soccer tournament between the different languages.  I was on the Latin team..  and we were playing a Spanish team.  I played soccer for many years (not for Nimitz) so.. I knew the rules..I knew how to play..  but I saw the Spanish teacher with the soccer ball and ran full speed into her.. taking the ball.  Not the act of a gentleman..  I didn't get to finish that game.. I have gotten a little better about my over-competitiveness LOL
Hmmm.. now as I read back.. I realize I had a pretty ordinary existence.  I do jump around quite a bit, though.  Eh.. More to come later..  I need more coffee..

Early 2006.. I apologize ahead of time...

This was from early 2006..  I swear most of this is tongue in cheek..  LOL  I have mellowed a bit with age, I think.. Oy vey...

As many of my gentle readers have learned.. I am the ADD poster boy..  Random..  scattered.. yet brilliant..  I have a theory that someone out there in charge made me a complete flake, because if I were ever able to focus my brilliance.. I would already be Emperor of Earth.. and that would be bad in SOOO many ways...  I really don't think I would be able to handle all that power.. I mean.. I would do some good things.. feed the hungry.. educate the chillins..., but I would definately throw in some perks for myself.. work days couldn't start till at LEAST 10:30-ish...  people who questioned my AUTHORITAH would be put in a chair and bitch slapped by a conga line for three hours straight.. and getting a conga line that stretches for 3 hours would take a bunch of people off of work.. production would slow.. punishments ABOUND!!  Oh.. and all my female readers out there.. your sole purpose in life would be getting your proverbial ass tapped by moi.. Hmmm.. guess that would be a perk for ya'll too!  I would make it tasteful though.. you wouldn't feel cheap..  We would have a grand ballroom in my big ass Emperor Brooks Palace where you would all be formally dressed with easy access considered.. slamming down whatever bev floats your boat (in Brooks World... all the bars are Open Bars) and it would be all festive and fun.. I would come up to you and say "I am intrigued by your intelligence and wit!" (that way you won't feel cheap) and that will be your signal to grab your ankles. But hey!!  not such a bad thing..  whenever you are having that monthly visitor.. I want you NOWHERE near me.. so.. for your  pleasure (i.e. me not being distracted from running the earth with your bitchiness) I will send you off to some far off island for the week or so that you would normally be a pain in the ass.. er.. I mean.. uncomfy. Ok.. well.. since that is the ladies role..  I guess I will move on.  I will be taking applications for Sycophants, Kiss Asses, and Hangers On.  Though I already have many of those.. being Emperor will require me to find some real professional "Yes Men" and "Yes Wimins"  I mean seriously hard core brown nosers.  Any and all people who have been on Jerry Springer will lined up in my big ass courtyard (yep.. thats what the sign will say above it.. "Emperor Brooks' Big Ass Courtyard")  and repeatedly kicked by a drunken Ralph Macchio using the Crane Position he SOO stole from me.... I would rename Las Vegas to Las Brooks Gas.. cuz I would find it amusing.. and you would have to have a .12 blood alcohol level to just be in the city... if it falls below that.. you are arrested.. taken to the station and do beer bong hits until you get your head right and get up to the legal level...  Weed would be legalized.. and for some people required..  There will be random ass probings and if your ass reads too high on the Uptight Ass pucker detector.. you will be forced to take bong hits till you lighten up..  BUT.. that being said..  if you get high and start to think that your stoned out philosophizing is ACTUALLY DEEP....your doritos will be taken away and you will be forced to listen to 24 hours of Paris Hilton reading poetry... that she wrote...  with a crayon...  AND those who do not "Puff Puff Give" and bogart the weed.. will be shot.. no questions asked... In Brooks World... Violent criminals will not be treated with kid gloves.. they murder someone.. same happens to them.. but spiced up a bit... they rape someone..  they get locked into a room with a rabid, nearsighted donkey who is force fed viagra..  I will extend the weekend to include Friday.. cuz hey.. its weekend like.. and Monday... Mondays suck...SOOO.. you work Tuesday through Thursday..  Ain't I magnanimous?  I will demand that kids are to be respectful and courteous to adults..  those who are not.. will be repeatedly kicked in the netherregions until they fall in line...
Well.. anyway...  That is some of what would happen..  I am sure there is more and if any of you have suggestions.. feel free to comment and tell me.. If I like it.. great.. I will take the idea .. implement it.. and claim that it was my idea.. after all.. I am the Emperor..  if I don't like it... well.. grab them ankles!!!

from December of 2005

Gentle Readers,
Typically I have something to show aggression towards.. something to rant about..  something to pick apart and dissect... Maybe it's the holiday season, but I gotta tell ya.. I have nothing...  No major irritations..  No impatience with the usual suspects..  I mean really.. WHAT THE FUCK...  In a small way I feel I have lost my way..  have no purpose..  If I am not here to correct people and to share wisdom.. then what am I supposed to do?  So you see, even the ridiculously good looking have problems too.
Perhaps it is time to analyze Brooks..  What makes me the me that I am today..  (I am seriously stepping on a landmine with this one.)  Ok.. was born.. cute baby... grew to be cute kid..  was a cute but shy guy in high school..  sorta typical college experience... But during all that... I didn't dislike anyone..  I was extremely polite to EVERYONE.  I was honestly happy to meet anyone.. talk to everyone. etc..  Pretty social guy...  I suppose as I got older, I lost that lovin feeling..  Don't get me wrong..  I love a great social gathering.. I love my friends...  And I like establishing new (but now require interesting) relationships..  I have lost patience with the excess crap.. I have streamlined everything I guess..  I also found that I have typically surrounded myself with those who are more jacked up than I am..  I think I will call it the "Jerry Springer Syndrome"  Surround yourself with people FAR more fucked up than you are, you are bound to feel much better about yourself.  I am a considerably different person than I was when I was young.. (doesn't that happen to us all)  but it was so gradual that I didn't notice it until it struck me one day.  From my experiences, people either get me and embrace the oddity that tis me..  or they just don't get it and worry what will happen next...  I guess that is part of being a button pusher.. 

One of the first blogs I ever did

 

 

This was from Oct. 2004...

Am I getting old??
 
I still like to think of myself as a young and hip person.. but I find that perhaps I am showing age.. When you look in the mirror as often as I do.. you don't see the subtle changes that age throws at you. You feel that you look the same as you did 10 yrs ago. Mostly it is what I think and what I say that makes me feel as if I am heading to geezerhood. I say things that I say feel are normal and then realize.. "EKK.. I sound like my dad.. or like those old men that sit around and complain about the youth of today. I notice kids making the same mistakes I did and think "Dumb Ass!!" I am edging towards Red Foreman's outlook on life. I find myself becoming much more politically conservative. I find myself thinking the saggy pants thing is idiotic.. I find myself thinking the new afro look on the boys looks WAY too Harpo Marx too be cool.. (dating myself sort of ..even though t he Marx Brothers were way before my time. I am realizing that I don't blend so well in younger crowds.. I find myself being called "Sir".. I find that I feel silly when I dress too young.. I find that I have gray in that young looking goatee.. i find that I can't drink like I used to without REALLY paying for it.. I find myself looking before i leap.. I find that hair is growing in places that scare me .. I find that I am looking into investing for a future (much future) retirement.. I think about my kid's college and cars.. (both far off.. but still).. I find that I want less surprises in my life and I crave stablility.. Wow.. Get my a walker and a hot nurse for sponge baths,, I am ready to be old..LOL

• 10:58 AM

As per your requests...

And they say that most Overlords aren't magnanimous...


I used to write a ton in other blog forms to kind of vent and let myself see the perspective I had on things...  Sounds odd, right?  Well...  sorta kinda.. not really..  When your brain is as addled with ADHD as mine is, you see and process things quite a bit differently than most.  I would just let whatever flow from my fingertips to the screen... and read it afterwards..  sometimes it was a bit surprising what would come up.  Well.. What this is for (and Yes... I do realize that this is, in itself, very VEHEHEEERRY narcissistic on my part) is so that you get a peek into my head..  the way I process everyday life..  I write the same way that I speak..  the same way that I think..  so sometimes I will be a little hard to follow.. Hopefully you will enjoy the ride.  I am going to post some of my old stuff before I move forward with the new stuff.  Hopefully it will give you a background on me and a better understanding of my schtick.

Your loving Overlord,

Brooks