As promised.. More ridiculous rants..

As I had promised.. I was going to make some ridiculous and outlandish (yet totally true) points about a few topics that are near and dear to me.. (only because I know some people fit this and it will torque them)  thus making it near and dear..  if they didn't care and weren't going to be bothered.. I wouldn't bother.. I am a troll.  I have said it.. I accept it.. I embrace it.  Sooooooo ...   Shall we?

I suppose I will go down the list in the order that I mentioned this stuff...  Only because it helps remind me what the hell I am talking about.. (Ahhh.. the ADHD mind..  )  We are going to kick this off with people I refer to as "Professional Victims"..  or "Poor Me's" ..  You know... the "only happy when it rains" crowd.  Nothing is good..  their life sucks..  the universe is against them.. No matter WHAT they do... they are brought down by "the man".. Many times (i.e. almost every single) the reason for all the crap they go through is through actions or choices they have made..  but it is much easier to blame the world..  the ex..  the school..  the boss.. the cheap one ply toilet paper in public restrooms than it is to accept that your life sucks.. because... YOU suck.. Don't get me wrong..  Shit happens..  life throws you some poop for you to throw in fans..  How you deal with it and move forward is in direct proportion to your strength (or weakness) of character.  It isn't always hunky dory for people of awesome-ness..  Sometimes I screw up and it affects my life in a negative fashion..  but I am the first to say that it was my fault that my stress level is high.. or that this is wrong..  I don't blame my mom or dad (which drives me up the G.D. wall..  grow up..) I don't blame work.. (I am in charge.. it is all on me) I don't blame anyone else for discomfort I feel..  because A.) I made the choice to do something to make me uncomfy.. even if it is a choice that I made YEARS ago..  Still on me..  I can never complain about never having time..  or being too busy.. or anything else..  My wife completely f-ed that up for me.. worked full time.. while working on her Masters full time.. While being a wife and mother..  While mowing the lawn..  etc..  Everyone else..  STFU.. Soooo.. what I am saying is.. Does your life suck?  Change it..  Quit making excuses.. and PLEASE STFU until you do.  You are terrible people until I say otherwise...

Moving on..

Homeschoolin'...  This is a hot topic for a bunch of people.  When people hear, "I am homeschooling my child!"  They have that "inner wince" like when a person says, "My child is attending Winfree Academy." Ok..  it is a little different....  if your kid is at Winfree..  well..  you have a whole new set of problems, dontcha?  Might as well change that to "Oh God..  Why did you give me this terrible future burden on society? Academy"  I have already explained in prior blogs as to why your kid sucks..  Your parenting.  Hey.. if my daughters end up being mean and bossy.. er.. wait..  ok..  if they end up being punk ass crackhead ladies of ill-repute... then... well..  I am a f^%$ up parent....  Holy crap.. my train of thought derails worse than AMTRAK. Ok.. Back to the social mutant producing Home Schooling..  Ok.. I have a heart.. I get that you think that things are rough.. all the bullying.. and the drugs.. and the...  whatever..  Guess what?  It was all there.  If your kid is a turd..  he will fail, take drugs, screw everything with a pulse... If you did something ok..  Maybe they won't.. or at least not all of them.  This is going to make people upset... Bullying has been around since Cain noogied Abel a touch too hard..  It teaches survival and coping skills.  Believe it or not..  I was bullied at times..  I adapted..  I coped.  I survived.  This is nothing new..  Being in a school environment teaches socialization skills.  It teaches you how to deal with stress and the shit that goes on around you..  Sure you are gonna cry like a pussy a few times..  but then you learn how to deal with it.  These poor bright eyed naive bastards are eventually going to get shipped off to college or the real world.. and having not dealt with the subject matter.. will be ill-equipped to deal with it.  Ok..  So you may have been a product of homeschooling and say "Hey Brooks... Slow down.. I am a well-adjusted person who is doing well!!"  No you aren't..  You were taken advantage of..  you did bad things.. and you didn't know how to deal with it.  I know.  Because I had friends who were home school kids..  I did ALL of that to them!!  They never knew what hit them!!  Ok.. Yes.. so I guess this isn't painting me as a good person.. but if you have read me before..  you know that isn't anything new...  I was a tool..  but no more a tool than you are for setting your kids up to be social retards (that one is going to get me some hate mail).  It makes me chuckle when the " I am feeling guilty about my past life because I was a jackass, ho, victim, former stripper (Honest work people.. dont feel bad)" people decide to screw over their kids by assuming that they can teach them better than trained professionals..  I say "hey.. fine..  take the little dicks.."  Those are the parents who blow up the school's phone demanding to know why their kid is being sent to the office or why they have a bad grade..  must be the teacher's fault, huh?  Kill yo sef!

NEEEEXTT!!!

Kids making life decisions..  Let us talk about this a bit.  I know that we, as parents, are giving our children the tools they need to leave the nest eventually..  (sooner hopefully than later)..  but lets stop for a moment and think..  Maybe there are some things we should take the wheel on.  or at least have one of those passenger side brakes that the driver's ed teachers had..  If something is being set up as something that is to have no biased..  JEEZUS MAN!!  Take the wheel!!  If it is about what flavor gum to buy.. pass that one off to the kid.  If it has to do with money over $20 and/ or possible life changing events or mistakes..  You can act like you are giving them a choice... as long as they have no real one..  See.. kids are preeeetty stupid.. so if you are a seasoned adult.. worth your salt.. you can trick the little idiots.  Should you let them screw up?  YES!!  So you can say "I told you so, idiot!" and teach them about how to deal with things..  but if they are nailing a surfboard to the hood of their car.. perhaps you should step in..  And for God sakes.. please don't let them choose their own underwear til they leave the house..  I have screamed like a crying bitch when it is my turn to sort the laundry... 

Ok...  on to the next one..

Bad Parents..  They are everywhere.  One would assume I am..  I mean really.. I am kind of a man-child...  I cuss..  I act out.. etc..  but strangely enough... I am a remarkable parent..  The rest of you....eh.. wellllll....

If you are thinking about homeschooling?  You are terrible.  We have established that.. You want your kid to be a social pariah and be beaten up and end up on drugs..  There.. I said it.  If you go to the bar every weekend and some weekdays..  You suck at parenting.. your kids should be taken and you should be kicked down the mountain like a Spartan reject behbeh.  Read a manual..  lay off the hooch..  play with your F^&*ing kids.  Or at least do something with them where they stay off the pole later on.  If you blame everyone but yourself for your kid being an asshole..  We talked about this..  YOU fail as a parent and are hopefully sterilized..  If you let your kid mouth off to you, hit you, not do any chores... if you let them run around while in a restaurant instead of parking their little snot nosed ass in that chair....  if you let them get into and touch everything at a store or anywhere because you want them to feel free to explore and enrich their misbehaving mind..  if you let a little kid call a new adult by anything other than Mr. Or Mrs. whomever..  You are a retched.. hopeless..  piece of shit.. failure of a parent.  Now if you are one of those people.. Quit F^&*ing other people..  it makes more assholes and we are trying desperately to slow down your numbers.. 

There... I said it..

This is merely bile.. Nothing creative... just ranty stuff...

It has been since February since I have written anything..  I feel sad about that...  not sad like I feel about working 3 straight 13 hr days..  but sad, nonetheless..

I have discovered something about myself..  I am a troll.  There.. I have said it.  Not in a physical sense..  not in a "I gotta bridge and you need to pay my ass" way..  but when people annoy me online.. I go out of my way to be annoying, contrary for no real reason... and downright childish.  But.. in my mind I can write it off as a righteous indignation.  So, I guess what I am saying in I am an online dick who will %^&* with you if I find you ridiculous.  Does that make me just as bad?  Probably..  but I will now go through a living list of things that annoy me..  Many of these things I have bitched about before..  but it is harder to remember what I have said than just puking it out again...

1.) Children...  Hate them. I do love mine to the mandated levels..  but your kids suck..  A Lot.

2.)  People who think their kids couldn't possibly be the reason that they get in trouble.  News flash..  Your kid is probably an asshole.  I feel for the teachers that have to put up with your demon spawn child and then hear from you idiots about how everything else must be flawed instead of looking at that drooling snot beast that you decided to create.  Smack your kid once in a while..  builds character and stuff..

3.) Pets.  They die on you.  They die in front of your kid.  They last maybe a decade or so..  so you are gonna go through a bunch of these non-tax write offs...  More moochie than children..  but slightly less annoying.

4.) People who cannot see the flaws in their political parties...  They all have them.  They both screwed up the country.  We let them.  Dammit..  I guess we suck..  I am annoyed with myself now.  Bush did not screw up America..  Obama didn't either..  Checks and balances keep one man from doing that.  We let this happen.. and the circling of the drain has been going on for a while.  Do I have an answer?  Not really..  But I follow no one blindly.  None have seemed to really have our rights and personal welfare in mind.  Makes me sad.

5.) Boys my daughters' ages..  obvious reasons..  they are all little whiny emo dirtbags who want to do horrid things to my girls.  Most are the girliest little whiny bitches who think it is ok to cry openly and not know how how to do things that are traditionally "Things guys do"  Don't know how to check, much less change, your oil?  Kill yourself.  Same with the changing a tire.  Don't know how to operate a mower or trimmer..  again..  drink bleach.  Never used a power tool?  Kill your father and then..   dive headfirst into an empty pool.  Look this up, guys...  you will NEED to be able to do all this stuff..  The crying thing...  gotta stop..  SOMEONE besides my daughters have to be the strong ones..  If you are a snotty, whiny mess with your mascara running..  fix a rat poison cupcake, Nancy, and gobble it up.  You are to KEEP THOSE EMOTIONS DOWN and be stoic in adversity..  The ONLY time it is ok to shed one .. maybe two tears is when a.) take a severe shot to the nuts. b.) the scene in "Old Yeller" when he has to cap his dog. c.) Death of your momma.  (with some obvious but very few exceptions)  Sac up, boys...  You need a role model.. I recommend Don Draper.

6.) People that think that just because they have an opinion... it is valid..  It isn't.  Unless you can bring something to the table that truly benefits the situation.. Shut the %&^ up.  Even MY opinion isn't always valid..  I usually try to keep quiet if I am not absolutely sure I am right.  Kids and people are being taught a certain entitlement that whatever their opinion is ... it is valid..  Nuh uh.  Bring something to the table..  either a VALID well thought out opinion with facts backing it up.. or a sandwich..  Only two options.

7.) More to come.