I think it is important that everyone looks into themselves and asks questions.. How did I get here? Why am I who I am? Where did this odd fetish for cheaply made, cardboard robot costumes come from? All of the important questions...
Don't take this as some sort of pity party.. it isn't.. I actually have and had a pretty good life, all things considered.. It was just different than some of yours. I don't believe in blaming who you are against things or people in your past. Every day we all make decisions on who we are and how we are going to react to it. I don't think of myself as a bad person.. quite the contrary. I have the feeling that many of the people I know.. or know me.. don't know me.. totally.. get it? I know it has to do with some defense mechanisms I have put up over the years .. <insert psycho-babble> A bunch of people see me as larger than life.. no fat jokes, dicks... but in reality.. I was painfully shy for most of my life... that still kicks in and tries to rear its ugly head today. Now, the people who knew me <i.e. talked to on a semi-regular basis> would never have grasped that concept.. if I felt safe with you.. I wouldn't shut up.. I was a cocky, yet semi-harmless, charming jerk. LOL I suppose high school is the best example.. because most everyone went to high school.. and they have reunions and such afterwards later on in life.. so it is all linked and such. Let's dig in.
I was, for the most part, very much to myself. And by that.. I mean.. I was in my own little world. An ADHD addled mind is a crazy assed place to hang out.. then put medications for it into the mix.. So it was either .. non-treated ADHD.. I was falling asleep all the time.. or my brain was doing a few thousand things a second.. so.. I was about as focused as a squirrel on a cocaine bender.... or I was medicated.. and then I was just a zombie.. no personality.. drooling.. la la land zombie.. minus the brain eating thing.. I am sure that would have been a major faux pas.. I don't honestly remember a whole lot about the heavy details of school.. just snippets. I think I got along with most everyone, but looking back.. I never (even now) knew how I was perceived. It just wasn't an awareness I had. I think that is something that your student council types, popular types.. etc.. have. A self awareness.. That is a good thing to have! I was in an odd place.. I was very much into me.. but had no idea of how I was seen or what was going on in the world around me. Except for my horrible grades (thank God I was a great tester.. I just didn't do homework) life at Nimitz was pretty good. I did what I could to get by.. grades-wise.. social-wise.. I lied a lot.. cheated a lot.. did the fake it til you make it type thing.. and for the most part.. it worked. My parents tried their best with me.. sending me to a shrink to have someone to talk to.. but I just told them and the shrink what I knew they wanted to hear. I edited my report cards.. forged progress reports.. There were a few guys that I think could smell something wrong with me, so they would push me around on a semi-daily basis.. but I really didn't harbor any anger towards them.. I knew I was kind of weird and figured it was just par for the course.. Even at the reunion, I went and tried to talk to one. I figured 20 years.. water under the bridge.. that sort of thing. I chatted him up a bit (typical small talk.. wife, kids..).. he seemed uncomfortable.. I didn't push the issue. Though he did seem like a nice guy and had a lovely wife. I did get to meet some people that I went to school with for years, but had never met. Got to go to Angelo's for the first time! See? I was that much out of the loop! LOL.. anyway.. I can sense my train of though de-railing.. back to the story. I never could figure out my lack of confidence.. I had too many things that contradicted that in so many ways.. I thought of myself as very good looking, charming, and smart... but I froze in situations that I was not familiar with. I would not ask out a girl for the most part.. waiting for them to ask me out. (obvious fear of rejection issues) I think I nearly dated a teacher though.. that is for another time. I was.. and I still am fiercely competitive.. I did not lose well... nor did I win with grace. I guess in a way, I was kind of an asshole in that area. We had the soccer tournament between the different languages. I was on the Latin team.. and we were playing a Spanish team. I played soccer for many years (not for Nimitz) so.. I knew the rules..I knew how to play.. but I saw the Spanish teacher with the soccer ball and ran full speed into her.. taking the ball. Not the act of a gentleman.. I didn't get to finish that game.. I have gotten a little better about my over-competitiveness LOL
Hmmm.. now as I read back.. I realize I had a pretty ordinary existence. I do jump around quite a bit, though. Eh.. More to come later.. I need more coffee..
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Early 2006.. I apologize ahead of time...
This was from early 2006.. I swear most of this is tongue in cheek.. LOL I have mellowed a bit with age, I think.. Oy vey...
As many of my gentle readers have learned.. I am the ADD poster boy.. Random.. scattered.. yet brilliant.. I have a theory that someone out there in charge made me a complete flake, because if I were ever able to focus my brilliance.. I would already be Emperor of Earth.. and that would be bad in SOOO many ways... I really don't think I would be able to handle all that power.. I mean.. I would do some good things.. feed the hungry.. educate the chillins..., but I would definately throw in some perks for myself.. work days couldn't start till at LEAST 10:30-ish... people who questioned my AUTHORITAH would be put in a chair and bitch slapped by a conga line for three hours straight.. and getting a conga line that stretches for 3 hours would take a bunch of people off of work.. production would slow.. punishments ABOUND!! Oh.. and all my female readers out there.. your sole purpose in life would be getting your proverbial ass tapped by moi.. Hmmm.. guess that would be a perk for ya'll too! I would make it tasteful though.. you wouldn't feel cheap.. We would have a grand ballroom in my big ass Emperor Brooks Palace where you would all be formally dressed with easy access considered.. slamming down whatever bev floats your boat (in Brooks World... all the bars are Open Bars) and it would be all festive and fun.. I would come up to you and say "I am intrigued by your intelligence and wit!" (that way you won't feel cheap) and that will be your signal to grab your ankles. But hey!! not such a bad thing.. whenever you are having that monthly visitor.. I want you NOWHERE near me.. so.. for your pleasure (i.e. me not being distracted from running the earth with your bitchiness) I will send you off to some far off island for the week or so that you would normally be a pain in the ass.. er.. I mean.. uncomfy. Ok.. well.. since that is the ladies role.. I guess I will move on. I will be taking applications for Sycophants, Kiss Asses, and Hangers On. Though I already have many of those.. being Emperor will require me to find some real professional "Yes Men" and "Yes Wimins" I mean seriously hard core brown nosers. Any and all people who have been on Jerry Springer will lined up in my big ass courtyard (yep.. thats what the sign will say above it.. "Emperor Brooks' Big Ass Courtyard") and repeatedly kicked by a drunken Ralph Macchio using the Crane Position he SOO stole from me.... I would rename Las Vegas to Las Brooks Gas.. cuz I would find it amusing.. and you would have to have a .12 blood alcohol level to just be in the city... if it falls below that.. you are arrested.. taken to the station and do beer bong hits until you get your head right and get up to the legal level... Weed would be legalized.. and for some people required.. There will be random ass probings and if your ass reads too high on the Uptight Ass pucker detector.. you will be forced to take bong hits till you lighten up.. BUT.. that being said.. if you get high and start to think that your stoned out philosophizing is ACTUALLY DEEP....your doritos will be taken away and you will be forced to listen to 24 hours of Paris Hilton reading poetry... that she wrote... with a crayon... AND those who do not "Puff Puff Give" and bogart the weed.. will be shot.. no questions asked... In Brooks World... Violent criminals will not be treated with kid gloves.. they murder someone.. same happens to them.. but spiced up a bit... they rape someone.. they get locked into a room with a rabid, nearsighted donkey who is force fed viagra.. I will extend the weekend to include Friday.. cuz hey.. its weekend like.. and Monday... Mondays suck...SOOO.. you work Tuesday through Thursday.. Ain't I magnanimous? I will demand that kids are to be respectful and courteous to adults.. those who are not.. will be repeatedly kicked in the netherregions until they fall in line...
Well.. anyway... That is some of what would happen.. I am sure there is more and if any of you have suggestions.. feel free to comment and tell me.. If I like it.. great.. I will take the idea .. implement it.. and claim that it was my idea.. after all.. I am the Emperor.. if I don't like it... well.. grab them ankles!!!
As many of my gentle readers have learned.. I am the ADD poster boy.. Random.. scattered.. yet brilliant.. I have a theory that someone out there in charge made me a complete flake, because if I were ever able to focus my brilliance.. I would already be Emperor of Earth.. and that would be bad in SOOO many ways... I really don't think I would be able to handle all that power.. I mean.. I would do some good things.. feed the hungry.. educate the chillins..., but I would definately throw in some perks for myself.. work days couldn't start till at LEAST 10:30-ish... people who questioned my AUTHORITAH would be put in a chair and bitch slapped by a conga line for three hours straight.. and getting a conga line that stretches for 3 hours would take a bunch of people off of work.. production would slow.. punishments ABOUND!! Oh.. and all my female readers out there.. your sole purpose in life would be getting your proverbial ass tapped by moi.. Hmmm.. guess that would be a perk for ya'll too! I would make it tasteful though.. you wouldn't feel cheap.. We would have a grand ballroom in my big ass Emperor Brooks Palace where you would all be formally dressed with easy access considered.. slamming down whatever bev floats your boat (in Brooks World... all the bars are Open Bars) and it would be all festive and fun.. I would come up to you and say "I am intrigued by your intelligence and wit!" (that way you won't feel cheap) and that will be your signal to grab your ankles. But hey!! not such a bad thing.. whenever you are having that monthly visitor.. I want you NOWHERE near me.. so.. for your pleasure (i.e. me not being distracted from running the earth with your bitchiness) I will send you off to some far off island for the week or so that you would normally be a pain in the ass.. er.. I mean.. uncomfy. Ok.. well.. since that is the ladies role.. I guess I will move on. I will be taking applications for Sycophants, Kiss Asses, and Hangers On. Though I already have many of those.. being Emperor will require me to find some real professional "Yes Men" and "Yes Wimins" I mean seriously hard core brown nosers. Any and all people who have been on Jerry Springer will lined up in my big ass courtyard (yep.. thats what the sign will say above it.. "Emperor Brooks' Big Ass Courtyard") and repeatedly kicked by a drunken Ralph Macchio using the Crane Position he SOO stole from me.... I would rename Las Vegas to Las Brooks Gas.. cuz I would find it amusing.. and you would have to have a .12 blood alcohol level to just be in the city... if it falls below that.. you are arrested.. taken to the station and do beer bong hits until you get your head right and get up to the legal level... Weed would be legalized.. and for some people required.. There will be random ass probings and if your ass reads too high on the Uptight Ass pucker detector.. you will be forced to take bong hits till you lighten up.. BUT.. that being said.. if you get high and start to think that your stoned out philosophizing is ACTUALLY DEEP....your doritos will be taken away and you will be forced to listen to 24 hours of Paris Hilton reading poetry... that she wrote... with a crayon... AND those who do not "Puff Puff Give" and bogart the weed.. will be shot.. no questions asked... In Brooks World... Violent criminals will not be treated with kid gloves.. they murder someone.. same happens to them.. but spiced up a bit... they rape someone.. they get locked into a room with a rabid, nearsighted donkey who is force fed viagra.. I will extend the weekend to include Friday.. cuz hey.. its weekend like.. and Monday... Mondays suck...SOOO.. you work Tuesday through Thursday.. Ain't I magnanimous? I will demand that kids are to be respectful and courteous to adults.. those who are not.. will be repeatedly kicked in the netherregions until they fall in line...
Well.. anyway... That is some of what would happen.. I am sure there is more and if any of you have suggestions.. feel free to comment and tell me.. If I like it.. great.. I will take the idea .. implement it.. and claim that it was my idea.. after all.. I am the Emperor.. if I don't like it... well.. grab them ankles!!!
from December of 2005
Gentle Readers,
Typically I have something to show aggression towards.. something to rant about.. something to pick apart and dissect... Maybe it's the holiday season, but I gotta tell ya.. I have nothing... No major irritations.. No impatience with the usual suspects.. I mean really.. WHAT THE FUCK... In a small way I feel I have lost my way.. have no purpose.. If I am not here to correct people and to share wisdom.. then what am I supposed to do? So you see, even the ridiculously good looking have problems too.
Perhaps it is time to analyze Brooks.. What makes me the me that I am today.. (I am seriously stepping on a landmine with this one.) Ok.. was born.. cute baby... grew to be cute kid.. was a cute but shy guy in high school.. sorta typical college experience... But during all that... I didn't dislike anyone.. I was extremely polite to EVERYONE. I was honestly happy to meet anyone.. talk to everyone. etc.. Pretty social guy... I suppose as I got older, I lost that lovin feeling.. Don't get me wrong.. I love a great social gathering.. I love my friends... And I like establishing new (but now require interesting) relationships.. I have lost patience with the excess crap.. I have streamlined everything I guess.. I also found that I have typically surrounded myself with those who are more jacked up than I am.. I think I will call it the "Jerry Springer Syndrome" Surround yourself with people FAR more fucked up than you are, you are bound to feel much better about yourself. I am a considerably different person than I was when I was young.. (doesn't that happen to us all) but it was so gradual that I didn't notice it until it struck me one day. From my experiences, people either get me and embrace the oddity that tis me.. or they just don't get it and worry what will happen next... I guess that is part of being a button pusher..
Typically I have something to show aggression towards.. something to rant about.. something to pick apart and dissect... Maybe it's the holiday season, but I gotta tell ya.. I have nothing... No major irritations.. No impatience with the usual suspects.. I mean really.. WHAT THE FUCK... In a small way I feel I have lost my way.. have no purpose.. If I am not here to correct people and to share wisdom.. then what am I supposed to do? So you see, even the ridiculously good looking have problems too.
Perhaps it is time to analyze Brooks.. What makes me the me that I am today.. (I am seriously stepping on a landmine with this one.) Ok.. was born.. cute baby... grew to be cute kid.. was a cute but shy guy in high school.. sorta typical college experience... But during all that... I didn't dislike anyone.. I was extremely polite to EVERYONE. I was honestly happy to meet anyone.. talk to everyone. etc.. Pretty social guy... I suppose as I got older, I lost that lovin feeling.. Don't get me wrong.. I love a great social gathering.. I love my friends... And I like establishing new (but now require interesting) relationships.. I have lost patience with the excess crap.. I have streamlined everything I guess.. I also found that I have typically surrounded myself with those who are more jacked up than I am.. I think I will call it the "Jerry Springer Syndrome" Surround yourself with people FAR more fucked up than you are, you are bound to feel much better about yourself. I am a considerably different person than I was when I was young.. (doesn't that happen to us all) but it was so gradual that I didn't notice it until it struck me one day. From my experiences, people either get me and embrace the oddity that tis me.. or they just don't get it and worry what will happen next... I guess that is part of being a button pusher..
One of the first blogs I ever did
Am I getting old??
I still like to think of myself as a young and hip person.. but I find that perhaps I am showing age.. When you look in the mirror as often as I do.. you don't see the subtle changes that age throws at you. You feel that you look the same as you did 10 yrs ago. Mostly it is what I think and what I say that makes me feel as if I am heading to geezerhood. I say things that I say feel are normal and then realize.. "EKK.. I sound like my dad.. or like those old men that sit around and complain about the youth of today. I notice kids making the same mistakes I did and think "Dumb Ass!!" I am edging towards Red Foreman's outlook on life. I find myself becoming much more politically conservative. I find myself thinking the saggy pants thing is idiotic.. I find myself thinking the new afro look on the boys looks WAY too Harpo Marx too be cool.. (dating myself sort of ..even though t he Marx Brothers were way before my time. I am realizing that I don't blend so well in younger crowds.. I find myself being called "Sir".. I find that I feel silly when I dress too young.. I find that I have gray in that young looking goatee.. i find that I can't drink like I used to without REALLY paying for it.. I find myself looking before i leap.. I find that hair is growing in places that scare me .. I find that I am looking into investing for a future (much future) retirement.. I think about my kid's college and cars.. (both far off.. but still).. I find that I want less surprises in my life and I crave stablility.. Wow.. Get my a walker and a hot nurse for sponge baths,, I am ready to be old..LOL
As per your requests...
And they say that most Overlords aren't magnanimous...
I used to write a ton in other blog forms to kind of vent and let myself see the perspective I had on things... Sounds odd, right? Well... sorta kinda.. not really.. When your brain is as addled with ADHD as mine is, you see and process things quite a bit differently than most. I would just let whatever flow from my fingertips to the screen... and read it afterwards.. sometimes it was a bit surprising what would come up. Well.. What this is for (and Yes... I do realize that this is, in itself, very VEHEHEEERRY narcissistic on my part) is so that you get a peek into my head.. the way I process everyday life.. I write the same way that I speak.. the same way that I think.. so sometimes I will be a little hard to follow.. Hopefully you will enjoy the ride. I am going to post some of my old stuff before I move forward with the new stuff. Hopefully it will give you a background on me and a better understanding of my schtick.
Your loving Overlord,
Brooks
I used to write a ton in other blog forms to kind of vent and let myself see the perspective I had on things... Sounds odd, right? Well... sorta kinda.. not really.. When your brain is as addled with ADHD as mine is, you see and process things quite a bit differently than most. I would just let whatever flow from my fingertips to the screen... and read it afterwards.. sometimes it was a bit surprising what would come up. Well.. What this is for (and Yes... I do realize that this is, in itself, very VEHEHEEERRY narcissistic on my part) is so that you get a peek into my head.. the way I process everyday life.. I write the same way that I speak.. the same way that I think.. so sometimes I will be a little hard to follow.. Hopefully you will enjoy the ride. I am going to post some of my old stuff before I move forward with the new stuff. Hopefully it will give you a background on me and a better understanding of my schtick.
Your loving Overlord,
Brooks
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