I have had many good experiences in my life.. maybe not good at the time.. but good in that they make for a hell of a story to tell later.. I have no problem laughing at myself... Hell... there is a ton of material to laugh at.. If you cannot laugh at yourself, well.. then you are a douchecake. MOST everyone knows that my short term memory.. well it sucks.. like a Hoover on steroids type suckage. But my long term memory is ridiculously detailed and a bit scary.. or it was.. I was thinking about the one and only time that I got swats in school. Knowing me and looking at me.. I wasn't the "Get Swats" type of guy... I looked clean cut.. I was a bit preppish.. a charming rogue.. but nevertheless.. I got whooped..
Our story begins in speech class.. I remember the class well. I can't remember the teacher's name.. but I know she had a bit part in Robocop... took me to her church once because I was curious about what a big black Baptist church was like .. and didn't like the fact that I called her Caliente Cocoa.. (which I thought was Hot Chocolate in Spanish... so sue me.. I took Latin).. anyway.. She was absent.. and we had a substitute teacher.. some guy.. anyway.. I was passing notes of a risque nature back and forth with this friend of mine who was a chick but I do not remember her name.. There may have been things about edible undergarments.. calling the lass "Lust bunny" and other sort of embarrassing things.. Well.. the substitute took his job VERY seriously and after catching us passing the note.. sent us both to the office.. Crap.. She (of whose name I do not recall) went to the chick VP.. I went to VP Nathan Purvis.. Mr. Purvis read the note.. told me my options (4 hours saturday detention or 3 swats on the butt) and I selected the swats. I will be damned if I was going to be up at NHS at 8 am on a Saturday.. So... he called my mom.. and read the note... to my mom.... They both had trouble not laughing.. I had trouble not crawling under my chair.. Mr. Purvis said 'Mrs. Smith... Christopher (obviously I wasn't a trouble maker.. he did not know the name I went by) has chosen to take 3 licks with the paddle.. " I heard her over the phone.. she laughed and said "Let em have it!" So.. I bent over a rolling chair.. (not the most stable getting-your-ass-whipped platform..) He swung the first time... I flew into the book case.. got back up.. stabilized better.. and then he nailed me the 2 remaining times.. albeit bookcase free this time. So, I got up.. Purvis put out his hand to shake mine.. I shook it in submissive humiliation.. and walked out the door. I met the girl (whose name STILL escapes me) on the way back to class.. she had a concerned look on her face and asked "are you ok? I could hear it from across the office" I said "Yeah..I was hoping I would get lunch out of it, though.. " I don't think she got it.. I asked about her punishment.. she got one hour after school detention.. So much for equal rights.. You gals can bitch about your glass ceiling all you want.. You arent getting your butt pounded.. (in retrospect.. that sounds bad.. but I am keeping it in.. if only for that reason)
Anyway.. out of that whole story.. the most upsetting thing to me is that I cannot remember people's names..
Meh, I can't remember her name either, and I actually worked in her department as a speech teacher for a year.
ReplyDeleteSucks getting old, huh?
(Plus, I was a complete ANGEL at school and never, ever did anything wrong. That anyone knows about.)