I am sure if any of you have been paying any kind of attention at all.. you will notice I tend to blow up Frisco, TX a bunch.. or you may know it by its scientific name.. Douchenozzle Central.. ok.. cheap pop.. but I can't help myself. I speak ill of both the town and its denizens.. and you may ask yourself. "Why does the typically sweet, kind, and magnanimous Brooks speak ill of the Town Of Frisco and often wish for it to be consumed in the fiery pits of Hades??" Well kids.. pull up a seat and let Uncle Brooksie break it down for ya.
Now.. before I start bulletpointing the issues I have with Frisco.. let me point out that I have some dear friends that live there and they honestly don't fit the stereotypes I am about to lay on you. Stereotypes!!! BROOKS IS PROFILING!!!!???!?!?! Well.. I am going to let you in on a little secret.. come closer.. ok.. not that close.. personal bubble.. ok.. good.. here is a secret.. There.. is a reason why something becomes a stereotype.. because it has a WEEEEE little bit of truth to it. (or a whooole lot of truth)
Ok.. Now that I have the disclaimer.. Here is a list of why I cannot STAND Frisco.. and all things related to it..
1.) It and its people have the most odd and undeserved sense of entitlement I have EVER witnessed in my lifetime.. It is the land of the credit rich. People who are DYING to give the illusion of success and will sacrifice important things to LOOK like they are about something.. yet they teeter ever so perilously to the edge of total failure.
2.) The people are a bouquet of dick.. at my work.. I can pick out a Friscan with little to no effort.. the guys will be wearing a golf visor.. spikey hair.. sunglasses indoors.. either a golf shirt or something too small and Ed hardy.. fashionable $200 jeans with buttons on the ass pocket, Bluetooth earpiece.. the women.. either fake lips and tits... (Remember.. Frisco is where strippers go to settle down) or very bored housewife look.. usually wearing yoga gear and has the thumbs permanently planted on her smart phone.. the bad color job on the hair.. the TOO BIG sunglasses on.. indoors of course.. they both LOVE to bring up how much they spend at your establishment.. (though they do thankfully seem unable to detect eyerolls and deep sighs thankfully)
3.) Their kids.. are assholes.. Yeah.. I know.. picking on the kids.. but.. fruit does not far fall from the tree and it seems to evolve into something worse than where it came from. These kids are absolute jackoffs.. They have a sense of entitlement bigger than anything I have ever witnessed.. It comes from the whole "Everyone is a winner and gets a trophy" and "I know I am your parent, but I want to be liked by you even more!" approach to things.. These frikkin monsters will say stuff to their parents that would have had me shot.. no.. seriously.. Shot... and the parents try to BARGAIN and plead with these kids.. are you FRIKKIN kidding me?? PUNCH THE KID IN THE FACE!! oh.. wait.. cant do that? What about behind closed doors? Open hand? No? son of a bitch... I have had moms come up to me and ask me if I would tell the kids I wouldnt let them have anymore paint because she didnt want to look like the bad guy... I have been asked by fathers to tell their kid they couldnt play due to whatever because they didnt have the balls to do it.. What was the common denominator.. these PEOPLE WERE FROM FRISCO!!! ALL of them.. Shit you not.. true story..
4.) It is FUN to hate Frisco.. try it.. you will like it.. it is an absolute hoot. It is overcrowded.. it is full of awful people in general (except some of my friends who decided to venture into that place of unholyness.. but I can't hate on them.. Being stupid does not make one douchy..LOL) There is little redeemable about it. I mean.. it has lots of shopping and restaurants.. but that makes sense.. when you have that many people who love to keep up with the Jones'... you need to have places to take the douche money!!
So... to break it all down.. if it looks like douche.. smells like douche.. talks like a douche.. one can come to only one conclusion... Frisco is STOOOOOPID.
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