Good evening, Minions.
Ok.. enough of the formalities.. lets get to being pissy about everything in a completely inappropriate and irrational way... That is why you read me, isn't it? I am not exactly putting asses in the seats from my flowery disposition.. You aren't hear to see me fart stripper dust and make out with unicorns.. So.. here we go.. well.. I am not really annoyed by anything at the moment.. well.. nothing really other than what I have already ranted about ad nauseam in my other posts.. So.. let us just talk about what is going on in Brooks' world and see if I can get irritated about it.
I am learning Russian. Yes, Russian. I shit you not. I know!! You are asking "Why Russian?? " Funny thing.. that is what the Russians I am talking to are asking!!! They don't see why in the world anyone would want to learn their language. Well.. I will tell ya.. For reasons other than the accent coming out of a Russian broad can make this cool cat become a blabbering, incoherent motard.. I have always been fascinated with their country. They have gone through some shit! They have some amazing sites.. and the people.. oddly enough do NOT want to kill us!! I was always taught that they were an evil empire (they take offense to that BTW.. not fans of Reagan) and they wanted us smoked like salmon.. but no. They are very warm, personable and curious people. They are guarded a bit (you would be too) but once they trust you and decide you are ok.. they are very loyal friends. So.. anyway.. Been talking to a few on Skype.. of course their English.. though broken.. is far superior to my Russian. We play the game of holding up objects to the camera and say either "In English!" or "In Russian" and laugh at each other in a good hearted manner. Many were curious on how we lived.. I took my tablet and gave them a tour of the house.. their heads 'sploded.. Ok.. they for the most part do not have all the things we do.. but they also don't have debt. Banks haven't gotten around to setting them up for failure since the banking industry is sort of new out there. They do appreciate the simpler things in life.. often going on walks and Holy Schnikeys.. they take more pics than a Japanese tourist and teenage girl combined.. It is coming along nicely.. I can greet them.. I can tell them if my day is good or shitty.. and I can tell them goodbye and label random objects.
I got glasses the other day.. I am one of the flawed.. my right eye is still above flawless... my left still can see 20/20.. but has the slightest of astigmatisms, so I have glasses for at night when my eyes get tired.. they are quite stylish and I am quite fetching in them. The frames are made by XXL.. a company that specializes in big heads.. thank God.. With a size 8 hat size.. I dont have much of a choice but get the glasses and hats that look correct only when worn by football mascots and Jack In The Box..
Ok.. just figured out something that irks me.. (thanks for waiting).. People volunteering for stuff.. I am not on any boards or anything for my children's activities.. so I can speak freely. Anytime there is something to do for my kids' clubs or activities, I will do it.. I love them.. I want them and all of their fellow students to succeed.. I jump in where I can and scavenge, steal, beg, cajole, and threaten till I can get what they need. No prob.. I am not on a high horse here.. I can't always do it.. Daddy has to make a paycheck. So does Wifey and she works on one of the boards. When you step up to volunteer.. You do whatever it is the kids need to succeed and not bitch about it. If you want everything spelled out for you... tough.. There is no job description in volunteering for your kids' stuff. If they need you to make memos.. do it.. if they need you to push percussion instruments.. push it. If the kids need water jugs taken up the stairs.. do not bitch at the poor kid about what you are supposed to and not supposed to do.. Fucking help.. Some people can not live without things being spelled out for them.. it doesn't work that way. Don't get bent because someone does something that was or was not spelled out for you to do.. Make it work. Sometimes those people have been there / done that and are more suited.. let them do it... It is being a volunteer.. Which means pack mule, baby sitter, shit cleaner, the organization's bitch. And smile when you do it. And for God's sake.. do not be a disrespectful git and clique up and make other volunteers' lives miserable.. It is shitty. Wife makes me bite my tongue.. I have to find a loophole in that...
Ah.. I am sick. the soft tissue under my chin and jaw started poofing out and getting gooshy (a medical term).. I set up an appointment with my doc and ended up seeing the Nurse Practitioner.. she felt it and went "DAMN!.. that is big" and decided she wanted the doc to see it.. so two days later I go back and my doc (whom I think is a great doctor) decided to do a sonogram of the area.. Apparently, there are not one.. but TWO thingies of unknown-ness that are just short of a centimeter diameter each.. terrific.. so.. he jams a little needle into my chin and deadens it.. and then gets a hollowed out knitting needle and shoves that into my neck.. This being a three hand job.. he put my finger on the (Take the picture button) and he operates the shiv and the sonogram wand.. He pokes holes in both thingies.. and is not able to extract any tissue or fluid.. bummer.. so.. he says that he hopes they are infected salivary glands (which is common) and they will go down with antibiotics.. if it doesn't by Tuesday.. I go to the ENT and get a cat scan of my neck and a biopsy.. Party on..
I had a great time working the Band Table at Bronco Night at the school the other day.. I sold the crap out of spirit sleeves.. mostly because I was pimping them myself... People want to be like me.. I sold two pairs to the principal (Awesome guy.. very cool guy) because he wasn't going to be outdone by the Femme Fatale Vice Principal .. (Awesome chick.. (And I mean the Femme Fatale thing in the most respectful way as in I am 40 and I was totally scared of her) gave off a power vibe that the Overlord was impressed with))
Ah yes.. and to prove that I am a self -destructive idiot who cannot live without some sort of spotlight.. I will be playing in the Nimitz Vs. Nimitz Alumni football game.. it will be televised at Pennington Field on October 20th.. Not sure what I am thinking.. but .. what the hell..
I am tired.. Love and rockets, people
Brooks
Friday, September 21, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Montana
SO...
It has been decided.. (by me) that should Rach have any trouble acquiring employment after her final days at Chase, we will all pack up and head to Montana.. We will buy a cabin (large one.. plenty of modern amenities .. yet totally rustic and old western-ish) near or on a plateau.. Should we have trouble getting a plateau, we will buy a mountain and work feverishly to shave it flat.. thus getting the same desired results. This will be near an old township with a wild west flavor about it.. complete with colorful characters of all types (town drunk is a requirement). I will purchase the old bar in the middle of town near the commerce area.. (trappers.. gold miners.. cattle people.. etc) I will be the typical big burly bartender with a sharp tongue and a heart of gold and will spend my days serving whiskey and wiping my bar towel, in a circular motion, on a specific place on the bar (as bartenders in that type of town and situation are apt to). Grizzled characters from the area will come in to drown their troubles and I will give them my patient attention.. occasionally offering sage advice and breaking into the occasional soliloquy about the things I hear and my feelings about it. I suppose I will eventually rub a hole in the area that I constantly rub and find another spot to do it on the bar.. It will have wifi.
Rach will become the town sheriff. She will keep order and impeccable files. She will often sit in her chair with her boots propped up on her desk and her hat cocked down.. so she can dramatically look up when the town folk come-a-bitchin... This is close to the holding cells where she will store the town drunk, Rufus, till he drys up and other scofflaws. She will handle all kinds of town crisis.. from petty theft to stampedes to making sure everyone is up to date on their trapping and hunting licenses. The town folk will adore her with her firm stance on the law.... mixed with a heart of gold.. When speaking with ner-do-wells.. she will talk low through her teeth.. because that is universal western language for meaning business... We should definitely look into teaching her how to use a firearm between then and now..
Chloe.. not sure if things will go as well for her... She will start out working at the local diner as a sassy waitress with a, wait for it, heart of gold. This will only last a while due to her lack of shoe store choices and she will eventually start losing her mind. One day she will pass out after an especially aggressive drinking binge and her younger brother will glue a fake beard on her while she is passed out .. as a joke.. Well.. Chloe will wake from her stupor.. look in the mirror and be convinced she is "Karl - The Legendary Trapper of the Yukon Territories" even though it is technically nowhere near the Yukon.. She will disappear into the mountains for a few months. Eventually she does come back.. with the beard still glued on.. and covered in random animal pelts. The deepest utterances she makes are somethings sounding like "Googildy Boogildy) and generally sounding like the drunk on "Blazing Saddles" She comes back with a pet wolf named "Fro Fro" which is actually a dead raccoon carcass that she drags around on a leash.. When bothered by town folks, she will yell "ATTACK, FRO FRO!!!" and toss the rotting carcass at the offending person.. We think she lives somewhere near one of the many mountains or plateaus.. possibly a small forest or bunch of shrubberies. She will make a living selling the pelts of her catches for $1 per pelt or 2 for $3.50.. When people do buy two she raises her fists in the air and yells, "You are killing me, Smalls!" or "You breakin my balls, yo!" She is a constant state of surliness due to her beard's unwillingness to grow longer.
And finally, my lil Anders.. He will take the mantle of Town Blacksmith and work and live out of his small BlackSmithing shack. He will be surly, of course.. cuz he is a blacksmith.. but.. with a heart of gold.. (literally.. he has one around his neck.. and not the cute kind.. it looks like a real heart.. made of gold..) Though he is barely 5 ft tall.. (in this version.. he gets no taller) and just frikking adorable in her little leather apron.. he is respected and feared by the community. His craftsmanship is incredible.. He spends most of his day making horseshoes... for real horses and the game.. though ironically.. or is it coincidentally.. he HATES playing horseshoes.. and thinks horses are "Lame" He goes to all the town meetings.. looks bored and stands up during the middle of the meeting and mutters, "Those horse shoes are not going to make themselves" and goes back to hammering on molten metal. Whenever the Sheriff (Rach) calls the towns people to raise a militia to fight roving bands of bandits and the such.. Anders will raise his metal banging hammer and say something cheesy like "You can count on my steel!" or something of that ilk... which typically causes Sheriff Rach to facepalm.. Though he is always covered in ashes and soot, he is pretty happy being that he is the only one that stays warm in the God forsaken Montana winters..
And that is how I totally think the Montana thing will go should it come to fruition... so.. yeah.
It has been decided.. (by me) that should Rach have any trouble acquiring employment after her final days at Chase, we will all pack up and head to Montana.. We will buy a cabin (large one.. plenty of modern amenities .. yet totally rustic and old western-ish) near or on a plateau.. Should we have trouble getting a plateau, we will buy a mountain and work feverishly to shave it flat.. thus getting the same desired results. This will be near an old township with a wild west flavor about it.. complete with colorful characters of all types (town drunk is a requirement). I will purchase the old bar in the middle of town near the commerce area.. (trappers.. gold miners.. cattle people.. etc) I will be the typical big burly bartender with a sharp tongue and a heart of gold and will spend my days serving whiskey and wiping my bar towel, in a circular motion, on a specific place on the bar (as bartenders in that type of town and situation are apt to). Grizzled characters from the area will come in to drown their troubles and I will give them my patient attention.. occasionally offering sage advice and breaking into the occasional soliloquy about the things I hear and my feelings about it. I suppose I will eventually rub a hole in the area that I constantly rub and find another spot to do it on the bar.. It will have wifi.
Rach will become the town sheriff. She will keep order and impeccable files. She will often sit in her chair with her boots propped up on her desk and her hat cocked down.. so she can dramatically look up when the town folk come-a-bitchin... This is close to the holding cells where she will store the town drunk, Rufus, till he drys up and other scofflaws. She will handle all kinds of town crisis.. from petty theft to stampedes to making sure everyone is up to date on their trapping and hunting licenses. The town folk will adore her with her firm stance on the law.... mixed with a heart of gold.. When speaking with ner-do-wells.. she will talk low through her teeth.. because that is universal western language for meaning business... We should definitely look into teaching her how to use a firearm between then and now..
Chloe.. not sure if things will go as well for her... She will start out working at the local diner as a sassy waitress with a, wait for it, heart of gold. This will only last a while due to her lack of shoe store choices and she will eventually start losing her mind. One day she will pass out after an especially aggressive drinking binge and her younger brother will glue a fake beard on her while she is passed out .. as a joke.. Well.. Chloe will wake from her stupor.. look in the mirror and be convinced she is "Karl - The Legendary Trapper of the Yukon Territories" even though it is technically nowhere near the Yukon.. She will disappear into the mountains for a few months. Eventually she does come back.. with the beard still glued on.. and covered in random animal pelts. The deepest utterances she makes are somethings sounding like "Googildy Boogildy) and generally sounding like the drunk on "Blazing Saddles" She comes back with a pet wolf named "Fro Fro" which is actually a dead raccoon carcass that she drags around on a leash.. When bothered by town folks, she will yell "ATTACK, FRO FRO!!!" and toss the rotting carcass at the offending person.. We think she lives somewhere near one of the many mountains or plateaus.. possibly a small forest or bunch of shrubberies. She will make a living selling the pelts of her catches for $1 per pelt or 2 for $3.50.. When people do buy two she raises her fists in the air and yells, "You are killing me, Smalls!" or "You breakin my balls, yo!" She is a constant state of surliness due to her beard's unwillingness to grow longer.
And finally, my lil Anders.. He will take the mantle of Town Blacksmith and work and live out of his small BlackSmithing shack. He will be surly, of course.. cuz he is a blacksmith.. but.. with a heart of gold.. (literally.. he has one around his neck.. and not the cute kind.. it looks like a real heart.. made of gold..) Though he is barely 5 ft tall.. (in this version.. he gets no taller) and just frikking adorable in her little leather apron.. he is respected and feared by the community. His craftsmanship is incredible.. He spends most of his day making horseshoes... for real horses and the game.. though ironically.. or is it coincidentally.. he HATES playing horseshoes.. and thinks horses are "Lame" He goes to all the town meetings.. looks bored and stands up during the middle of the meeting and mutters, "Those horse shoes are not going to make themselves" and goes back to hammering on molten metal. Whenever the Sheriff (Rach) calls the towns people to raise a militia to fight roving bands of bandits and the such.. Anders will raise his metal banging hammer and say something cheesy like "You can count on my steel!" or something of that ilk... which typically causes Sheriff Rach to facepalm.. Though he is always covered in ashes and soot, he is pretty happy being that he is the only one that stays warm in the God forsaken Montana winters..
And that is how I totally think the Montana thing will go should it come to fruition... so.. yeah.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
MORE MORE MORE!!!! and other all-caps words with too many exclamation marks...
I cannot believe it has been since May that I have written anything.. I sometimes feel that I become too predictable about everything.. bitch about parenting.. bitch about kids.. bitch about stupid people.. But I often feel that I have a point and I am justified.. People ARE stupid.. So anyway.. I thought I would do something out of character and talk about me and my "eccentricities".. I am not allowed the amount of characters it would take to put them all down.. so I will talk about the ones that are kind of big.. at least to me.
1.) Nothing is ever enough.. I always want more.. money, power, food, sex, rock and roll... not so much on the drugs.. I always want more. People say these cute little things like "it isn't having what you want.. it is wanting what you've got" and other crap.. No no.. I get it.. there is a point to it all.. but I cannot.. or will not do it. When you are happy.. you get complacent.. (at least that is how it rings in my head). It is a lot like when they say that it doesnt matter how much you make.. you will find a way to spend it all anyway.. It is true.. I was raised in a pretty well-to-do situation.. even when there were money problems.. we were protected from it. Then.. I decided to move out and start my life at a pretty young age.. Don't get me wrong.. I wouldnt change that part.. I found a woman who loves me in spite of how screwy I am.. and I KNOW I am not easy to live with on a regular basis.. but I digress.. went from well-to-do ... to dirt poor.. but we still had fun money because we did not have kids.. 11 months after we got married.. we had a kid.. goodbye fun money.. so... I know what many of my minions have been through with the scraping by and wondering if we were going to lose our car, where our next meal was going to come from.. etc.. sucked.. Now.. we are in a comfortable situation.. some extra money... bills paid.. can put kids in activities.. eat out once in a while and the account is not empty.. BUT.. it isn't enough.. I don't know if it is from playing this Overlord thing out too long or what.. but some synapse is not firing right... I always have to have more.. It can be a real pain in the ass.. especially since I am extremely cheap..LOL. I do not like anyone taking my spotlight.. I dislike when people disagree with me ( I am convinced I am typically right).. I have a superiority complex that is out of control due to thinking most people don't have the brain power to take care of themselves.. It is totally out of control. Being bright can be a curse.. I wish I could be completely satisfied with everything.. but I find the people who are.. are too simple for my tastes.. or just like make terrible life decisions, to go out and get smashed a bunch and wonder why they don't have the cash to pay bills. You guys don't get it.. I REAAAAALLY do want to rule over all of you.. no.. seriously.. It is for your own good ... and stuff.. I know... it is sick.. I desire to be loved and adored.. and yet all I want to do is push people away and just have them obey me.. go fig..
2.) I am kind of an asshole. There... it is out in the open. I enjoy making people uncomfortable, and yet.. I hate when I do when I don't want to .. Not sure where that all came from.. I was such a sweet lil kid.. Seriously.. was on the path of being a youth minister.. used to stand up in class and tell everyone how much God loved them.. ( I still think that.. I am just not standing up in the middle of math and spouting it out.. though I am not so sure about his opinion of people of Frisco.. today's Sodom and Gomorrah).. Either way.. in High school.. I got into some bad stuff.. I was also stricken with a bad case of narcissism and paralyzing shyness.. mostly a wall I built up to keep people from getting to know me.. I didn't want them to know me.. (check and see how many times you can even find me in a yearbook.. even avoided class pics when possible) though.. deep down.. I kind of wanted to know what was going on with them. It was a lonely way to live... Fortunately, I shook loose of a bunch of my demons.. and I learned a bunch from it.. I judged people less for stuff.. because .. well. who was I to judge.. drugs.. alcohol.. Pssh.. I wasn't the most savory character. Now.. I do not deny this part of me.. it made me who I am.. and I am pretty spiffy. I did a bunch of stuff to make up for it.. but I also know how things look from both ends of the spectrum. I don't judge much.. except for stupid.. but then.. I am a bit of a hypocrite. LOL I say some pretty ridiculous and dumb stuff for entertainment.. yours and mine. Though.. if you read.. much of it has a point to get people to think.. anyway.. off track here.. Not denying .. got it.. It sometimes amazes me how people think others are clueless about their past. I assumed people didn't know mine.. but I am probably wrong.. We are never as slick as we like to think. Yes.. people probably knew I was into some bad stuff.. Yes.. people knew you were a stripper before you became a judgmental house frau.. Yes.. people knew you were a girlfriend smacking juice head.. Yes... Yes.. Yes.. We all talk about people.. (not to their face because most of us are chicken shits) Though I will more often than not say something snarky or just pick up a bunch of rocks and throw them at the crowd like a child having a tantrum.. So.. there.. I am a hypocritical, rock throwing, judgmental asshole.. but I am only encouraged by your laughter and the fact that I am usually right..
3.) I completely blanked out on what I was going to type next..
4.) I typically hate to blame others for my issues.. because it isn't fair.. I get up every morning and decide how my day is going to be and how my life will turn out.. ok.. so there is the random X-Factor which can throw things into a tizzy.. but other than that.. it stands firm.
.
.
.
BUT I totally have to blame you people for me acting the way I do!!! You people KNOW I am a total child and you keep egging me on!! I am controlled by my ID.. Reactions!! WOOOHOO!! They are like really addictive things!!! I cannot possibly take full credit for being such a train wreck. You guys let me go on and on and on and rant about this and that.. and act larger than life.. Well Congrats! You have created a monster!! Now I can't stop. I am a total ego-maniacal loon now.. and it is your fault! I am really going to get hurt one day.. for all the random crap I spew.. I am going to say it to the wrong person and someone is going to pummel me and I will have no reason why because of my huge sense of entitlement that you have bestowed upon me!! I HOPE you ENJOY all the BLOOD on YOUR hands!!!
You guys suck ass..
Love ya!
Brooks
1.) Nothing is ever enough.. I always want more.. money, power, food, sex, rock and roll... not so much on the drugs.. I always want more. People say these cute little things like "it isn't having what you want.. it is wanting what you've got" and other crap.. No no.. I get it.. there is a point to it all.. but I cannot.. or will not do it. When you are happy.. you get complacent.. (at least that is how it rings in my head). It is a lot like when they say that it doesnt matter how much you make.. you will find a way to spend it all anyway.. It is true.. I was raised in a pretty well-to-do situation.. even when there were money problems.. we were protected from it. Then.. I decided to move out and start my life at a pretty young age.. Don't get me wrong.. I wouldnt change that part.. I found a woman who loves me in spite of how screwy I am.. and I KNOW I am not easy to live with on a regular basis.. but I digress.. went from well-to-do ... to dirt poor.. but we still had fun money because we did not have kids.. 11 months after we got married.. we had a kid.. goodbye fun money.. so... I know what many of my minions have been through with the scraping by and wondering if we were going to lose our car, where our next meal was going to come from.. etc.. sucked.. Now.. we are in a comfortable situation.. some extra money... bills paid.. can put kids in activities.. eat out once in a while and the account is not empty.. BUT.. it isn't enough.. I don't know if it is from playing this Overlord thing out too long or what.. but some synapse is not firing right... I always have to have more.. It can be a real pain in the ass.. especially since I am extremely cheap..LOL. I do not like anyone taking my spotlight.. I dislike when people disagree with me ( I am convinced I am typically right).. I have a superiority complex that is out of control due to thinking most people don't have the brain power to take care of themselves.. It is totally out of control. Being bright can be a curse.. I wish I could be completely satisfied with everything.. but I find the people who are.. are too simple for my tastes.. or just like make terrible life decisions, to go out and get smashed a bunch and wonder why they don't have the cash to pay bills. You guys don't get it.. I REAAAAALLY do want to rule over all of you.. no.. seriously.. It is for your own good ... and stuff.. I know... it is sick.. I desire to be loved and adored.. and yet all I want to do is push people away and just have them obey me.. go fig..
2.) I am kind of an asshole. There... it is out in the open. I enjoy making people uncomfortable, and yet.. I hate when I do when I don't want to .. Not sure where that all came from.. I was such a sweet lil kid.. Seriously.. was on the path of being a youth minister.. used to stand up in class and tell everyone how much God loved them.. ( I still think that.. I am just not standing up in the middle of math and spouting it out.. though I am not so sure about his opinion of people of Frisco.. today's Sodom and Gomorrah).. Either way.. in High school.. I got into some bad stuff.. I was also stricken with a bad case of narcissism and paralyzing shyness.. mostly a wall I built up to keep people from getting to know me.. I didn't want them to know me.. (check and see how many times you can even find me in a yearbook.. even avoided class pics when possible) though.. deep down.. I kind of wanted to know what was going on with them. It was a lonely way to live... Fortunately, I shook loose of a bunch of my demons.. and I learned a bunch from it.. I judged people less for stuff.. because .. well. who was I to judge.. drugs.. alcohol.. Pssh.. I wasn't the most savory character. Now.. I do not deny this part of me.. it made me who I am.. and I am pretty spiffy. I did a bunch of stuff to make up for it.. but I also know how things look from both ends of the spectrum. I don't judge much.. except for stupid.. but then.. I am a bit of a hypocrite. LOL I say some pretty ridiculous and dumb stuff for entertainment.. yours and mine. Though.. if you read.. much of it has a point to get people to think.. anyway.. off track here.. Not denying .. got it.. It sometimes amazes me how people think others are clueless about their past. I assumed people didn't know mine.. but I am probably wrong.. We are never as slick as we like to think. Yes.. people probably knew I was into some bad stuff.. Yes.. people knew you were a stripper before you became a judgmental house frau.. Yes.. people knew you were a girlfriend smacking juice head.. Yes... Yes.. Yes.. We all talk about people.. (not to their face because most of us are chicken shits) Though I will more often than not say something snarky or just pick up a bunch of rocks and throw them at the crowd like a child having a tantrum.. So.. there.. I am a hypocritical, rock throwing, judgmental asshole.. but I am only encouraged by your laughter and the fact that I am usually right..
3.) I completely blanked out on what I was going to type next..
4.) I typically hate to blame others for my issues.. because it isn't fair.. I get up every morning and decide how my day is going to be and how my life will turn out.. ok.. so there is the random X-Factor which can throw things into a tizzy.. but other than that.. it stands firm.
.
.
.
BUT I totally have to blame you people for me acting the way I do!!! You people KNOW I am a total child and you keep egging me on!! I am controlled by my ID.. Reactions!! WOOOHOO!! They are like really addictive things!!! I cannot possibly take full credit for being such a train wreck. You guys let me go on and on and on and rant about this and that.. and act larger than life.. Well Congrats! You have created a monster!! Now I can't stop. I am a total ego-maniacal loon now.. and it is your fault! I am really going to get hurt one day.. for all the random crap I spew.. I am going to say it to the wrong person and someone is going to pummel me and I will have no reason why because of my huge sense of entitlement that you have bestowed upon me!! I HOPE you ENJOY all the BLOOD on YOUR hands!!!
You guys suck ass..
Love ya!
Brooks
Monday, May 21, 2012
As promised.. More ridiculous rants..
As I had promised.. I was going to make some ridiculous and outlandish (yet totally true) points about a few topics that are near and dear to me.. (only because I know some people fit this and it will torque them) thus making it near and dear.. if they didn't care and weren't going to be bothered.. I wouldn't bother.. I am a troll. I have said it.. I accept it.. I embrace it. Sooooooo ... Shall we?
I suppose I will go down the list in the order that I mentioned this stuff... Only because it helps remind me what the hell I am talking about.. (Ahhh.. the ADHD mind.. ) We are going to kick this off with people I refer to as "Professional Victims".. or "Poor Me's" .. You know... the "only happy when it rains" crowd. Nothing is good.. their life sucks.. the universe is against them.. No matter WHAT they do... they are brought down by "the man".. Many times (i.e. almost every single) the reason for all the crap they go through is through actions or choices they have made.. but it is much easier to blame the world.. the ex.. the school.. the boss.. the cheap one ply toilet paper in public restrooms than it is to accept that your life sucks.. because... YOU suck.. Don't get me wrong.. Shit happens.. life throws you some poop for you to throw in fans.. How you deal with it and move forward is in direct proportion to your strength (or weakness) of character. It isn't always hunky dory for people of awesome-ness.. Sometimes I screw up and it affects my life in a negative fashion.. but I am the first to say that it was my fault that my stress level is high.. or that this is wrong.. I don't blame my mom or dad (which drives me up the G.D. wall.. grow up..) I don't blame work.. (I am in charge.. it is all on me) I don't blame anyone else for discomfort I feel.. because A.) I made the choice to do something to make me uncomfy.. even if it is a choice that I made YEARS ago.. Still on me.. I can never complain about never having time.. or being too busy.. or anything else.. My wife completely f-ed that up for me.. worked full time.. while working on her Masters full time.. While being a wife and mother.. While mowing the lawn.. etc.. Everyone else.. STFU.. Soooo.. what I am saying is.. Does your life suck? Change it.. Quit making excuses.. and PLEASE STFU until you do. You are terrible people until I say otherwise...
Moving on..
Homeschoolin'... This is a hot topic for a bunch of people. When people hear, "I am homeschooling my child!" They have that "inner wince" like when a person says, "My child is attending Winfree Academy." Ok.. it is a little different.... if your kid is at Winfree.. well.. you have a whole new set of problems, dontcha? Might as well change that to "Oh God.. Why did you give me this terrible future burden on society? Academy" I have already explained in prior blogs as to why your kid sucks.. Your parenting. Hey.. if my daughters end up being mean and bossy.. er.. wait.. ok.. if they end up being punk ass crackhead ladies of ill-repute... then... well.. I am a f^%$ up parent.... Holy crap.. my train of thought derails worse than AMTRAK. Ok.. Back to the social mutant producing Home Schooling.. Ok.. I have a heart.. I get that you think that things are rough.. all the bullying.. and the drugs.. and the... whatever.. Guess what? It was all there. If your kid is a turd.. he will fail, take drugs, screw everything with a pulse... If you did something ok.. Maybe they won't.. or at least not all of them. This is going to make people upset... Bullying has been around since Cain noogied Abel a touch too hard.. It teaches survival and coping skills. Believe it or not.. I was bullied at times.. I adapted.. I coped. I survived. This is nothing new.. Being in a school environment teaches socialization skills. It teaches you how to deal with stress and the shit that goes on around you.. Sure you are gonna cry like a pussy a few times.. but then you learn how to deal with it. These poor bright eyed naive bastards are eventually going to get shipped off to college or the real world.. and having not dealt with the subject matter.. will be ill-equipped to deal with it. Ok.. So you may have been a product of homeschooling and say "Hey Brooks... Slow down.. I am a well-adjusted person who is doing well!!" No you aren't.. You were taken advantage of.. you did bad things.. and you didn't know how to deal with it. I know. Because I had friends who were home school kids.. I did ALL of that to them!! They never knew what hit them!! Ok.. Yes.. so I guess this isn't painting me as a good person.. but if you have read me before.. you know that isn't anything new... I was a tool.. but no more a tool than you are for setting your kids up to be social retards (that one is going to get me some hate mail). It makes me chuckle when the " I am feeling guilty about my past life because I was a jackass, ho, victim, former stripper (Honest work people.. dont feel bad)" people decide to screw over their kids by assuming that they can teach them better than trained professionals.. I say "hey.. fine.. take the little dicks.." Those are the parents who blow up the school's phone demanding to know why their kid is being sent to the office or why they have a bad grade.. must be the teacher's fault, huh? Kill yo sef!
NEEEEXTT!!!
Kids making life decisions.. Let us talk about this a bit. I know that we, as parents, are giving our children the tools they need to leave the nest eventually.. (sooner hopefully than later).. but lets stop for a moment and think.. Maybe there are some things we should take the wheel on. or at least have one of those passenger side brakes that the driver's ed teachers had.. If something is being set up as something that is to have no biased.. JEEZUS MAN!! Take the wheel!! If it is about what flavor gum to buy.. pass that one off to the kid. If it has to do with money over $20 and/ or possible life changing events or mistakes.. You can act like you are giving them a choice... as long as they have no real one.. See.. kids are preeeetty stupid.. so if you are a seasoned adult.. worth your salt.. you can trick the little idiots. Should you let them screw up? YES!! So you can say "I told you so, idiot!" and teach them about how to deal with things.. but if they are nailing a surfboard to the hood of their car.. perhaps you should step in.. And for God sakes.. please don't let them choose their own underwear til they leave the house.. I have screamed like a crying bitch when it is my turn to sort the laundry...
Ok... on to the next one..
Bad Parents.. They are everywhere. One would assume I am.. I mean really.. I am kind of a man-child... I cuss.. I act out.. etc.. but strangely enough... I am a remarkable parent.. The rest of you....eh.. wellllll....
If you are thinking about homeschooling? You are terrible. We have established that.. You want your kid to be a social pariah and be beaten up and end up on drugs.. There.. I said it. If you go to the bar every weekend and some weekdays.. You suck at parenting.. your kids should be taken and you should be kicked down the mountain like a Spartan reject behbeh. Read a manual.. lay off the hooch.. play with your F^&*ing kids. Or at least do something with them where they stay off the pole later on. If you blame everyone but yourself for your kid being an asshole.. We talked about this.. YOU fail as a parent and are hopefully sterilized.. If you let your kid mouth off to you, hit you, not do any chores... if you let them run around while in a restaurant instead of parking their little snot nosed ass in that chair.... if you let them get into and touch everything at a store or anywhere because you want them to feel free to explore and enrich their misbehaving mind.. if you let a little kid call a new adult by anything other than Mr. Or Mrs. whomever.. You are a retched.. hopeless.. piece of shit.. failure of a parent. Now if you are one of those people.. Quit F^&*ing other people.. it makes more assholes and we are trying desperately to slow down your numbers..
There... I said it..
I suppose I will go down the list in the order that I mentioned this stuff... Only because it helps remind me what the hell I am talking about.. (Ahhh.. the ADHD mind.. ) We are going to kick this off with people I refer to as "Professional Victims".. or "Poor Me's" .. You know... the "only happy when it rains" crowd. Nothing is good.. their life sucks.. the universe is against them.. No matter WHAT they do... they are brought down by "the man".. Many times (i.e. almost every single) the reason for all the crap they go through is through actions or choices they have made.. but it is much easier to blame the world.. the ex.. the school.. the boss.. the cheap one ply toilet paper in public restrooms than it is to accept that your life sucks.. because... YOU suck.. Don't get me wrong.. Shit happens.. life throws you some poop for you to throw in fans.. How you deal with it and move forward is in direct proportion to your strength (or weakness) of character. It isn't always hunky dory for people of awesome-ness.. Sometimes I screw up and it affects my life in a negative fashion.. but I am the first to say that it was my fault that my stress level is high.. or that this is wrong.. I don't blame my mom or dad (which drives me up the G.D. wall.. grow up..) I don't blame work.. (I am in charge.. it is all on me) I don't blame anyone else for discomfort I feel.. because A.) I made the choice to do something to make me uncomfy.. even if it is a choice that I made YEARS ago.. Still on me.. I can never complain about never having time.. or being too busy.. or anything else.. My wife completely f-ed that up for me.. worked full time.. while working on her Masters full time.. While being a wife and mother.. While mowing the lawn.. etc.. Everyone else.. STFU.. Soooo.. what I am saying is.. Does your life suck? Change it.. Quit making excuses.. and PLEASE STFU until you do. You are terrible people until I say otherwise...
Moving on..
Homeschoolin'... This is a hot topic for a bunch of people. When people hear, "I am homeschooling my child!" They have that "inner wince" like when a person says, "My child is attending Winfree Academy." Ok.. it is a little different.... if your kid is at Winfree.. well.. you have a whole new set of problems, dontcha? Might as well change that to "Oh God.. Why did you give me this terrible future burden on society? Academy" I have already explained in prior blogs as to why your kid sucks.. Your parenting. Hey.. if my daughters end up being mean and bossy.. er.. wait.. ok.. if they end up being punk ass crackhead ladies of ill-repute... then... well.. I am a f^%$ up parent.... Holy crap.. my train of thought derails worse than AMTRAK. Ok.. Back to the social mutant producing Home Schooling.. Ok.. I have a heart.. I get that you think that things are rough.. all the bullying.. and the drugs.. and the... whatever.. Guess what? It was all there. If your kid is a turd.. he will fail, take drugs, screw everything with a pulse... If you did something ok.. Maybe they won't.. or at least not all of them. This is going to make people upset... Bullying has been around since Cain noogied Abel a touch too hard.. It teaches survival and coping skills. Believe it or not.. I was bullied at times.. I adapted.. I coped. I survived. This is nothing new.. Being in a school environment teaches socialization skills. It teaches you how to deal with stress and the shit that goes on around you.. Sure you are gonna cry like a pussy a few times.. but then you learn how to deal with it. These poor bright eyed naive bastards are eventually going to get shipped off to college or the real world.. and having not dealt with the subject matter.. will be ill-equipped to deal with it. Ok.. So you may have been a product of homeschooling and say "Hey Brooks... Slow down.. I am a well-adjusted person who is doing well!!" No you aren't.. You were taken advantage of.. you did bad things.. and you didn't know how to deal with it. I know. Because I had friends who were home school kids.. I did ALL of that to them!! They never knew what hit them!! Ok.. Yes.. so I guess this isn't painting me as a good person.. but if you have read me before.. you know that isn't anything new... I was a tool.. but no more a tool than you are for setting your kids up to be social retards (that one is going to get me some hate mail). It makes me chuckle when the " I am feeling guilty about my past life because I was a jackass, ho, victim, former stripper (Honest work people.. dont feel bad)" people decide to screw over their kids by assuming that they can teach them better than trained professionals.. I say "hey.. fine.. take the little dicks.." Those are the parents who blow up the school's phone demanding to know why their kid is being sent to the office or why they have a bad grade.. must be the teacher's fault, huh? Kill yo sef!
NEEEEXTT!!!
Kids making life decisions.. Let us talk about this a bit. I know that we, as parents, are giving our children the tools they need to leave the nest eventually.. (sooner hopefully than later).. but lets stop for a moment and think.. Maybe there are some things we should take the wheel on. or at least have one of those passenger side brakes that the driver's ed teachers had.. If something is being set up as something that is to have no biased.. JEEZUS MAN!! Take the wheel!! If it is about what flavor gum to buy.. pass that one off to the kid. If it has to do with money over $20 and/ or possible life changing events or mistakes.. You can act like you are giving them a choice... as long as they have no real one.. See.. kids are preeeetty stupid.. so if you are a seasoned adult.. worth your salt.. you can trick the little idiots. Should you let them screw up? YES!! So you can say "I told you so, idiot!" and teach them about how to deal with things.. but if they are nailing a surfboard to the hood of their car.. perhaps you should step in.. And for God sakes.. please don't let them choose their own underwear til they leave the house.. I have screamed like a crying bitch when it is my turn to sort the laundry...
Ok... on to the next one..
Bad Parents.. They are everywhere. One would assume I am.. I mean really.. I am kind of a man-child... I cuss.. I act out.. etc.. but strangely enough... I am a remarkable parent.. The rest of you....eh.. wellllll....
If you are thinking about homeschooling? You are terrible. We have established that.. You want your kid to be a social pariah and be beaten up and end up on drugs.. There.. I said it. If you go to the bar every weekend and some weekdays.. You suck at parenting.. your kids should be taken and you should be kicked down the mountain like a Spartan reject behbeh. Read a manual.. lay off the hooch.. play with your F^&*ing kids. Or at least do something with them where they stay off the pole later on. If you blame everyone but yourself for your kid being an asshole.. We talked about this.. YOU fail as a parent and are hopefully sterilized.. If you let your kid mouth off to you, hit you, not do any chores... if you let them run around while in a restaurant instead of parking their little snot nosed ass in that chair.... if you let them get into and touch everything at a store or anywhere because you want them to feel free to explore and enrich their misbehaving mind.. if you let a little kid call a new adult by anything other than Mr. Or Mrs. whomever.. You are a retched.. hopeless.. piece of shit.. failure of a parent. Now if you are one of those people.. Quit F^&*ing other people.. it makes more assholes and we are trying desperately to slow down your numbers..
There... I said it..
Thursday, May 10, 2012
This is merely bile.. Nothing creative... just ranty stuff...
It has been since February since I have written anything.. I feel sad about that... not sad like I feel about working 3 straight 13 hr days.. but sad, nonetheless..
I have discovered something about myself.. I am a troll. There.. I have said it. Not in a physical sense.. not in a "I gotta bridge and you need to pay my ass" way.. but when people annoy me online.. I go out of my way to be annoying, contrary for no real reason... and downright childish. But.. in my mind I can write it off as a righteous indignation. So, I guess what I am saying in I am an online dick who will %^&* with you if I find you ridiculous. Does that make me just as bad? Probably.. but I will now go through a living list of things that annoy me.. Many of these things I have bitched about before.. but it is harder to remember what I have said than just puking it out again...
1.) Children... Hate them. I do love mine to the mandated levels.. but your kids suck.. A Lot.
2.) People who think their kids couldn't possibly be the reason that they get in trouble. News flash.. Your kid is probably an asshole. I feel for the teachers that have to put up with your demon spawn child and then hear from you idiots about how everything else must be flawed instead of looking at that drooling snot beast that you decided to create. Smack your kid once in a while.. builds character and stuff..
3.) Pets. They die on you. They die in front of your kid. They last maybe a decade or so.. so you are gonna go through a bunch of these non-tax write offs... More moochie than children.. but slightly less annoying.
4.) People who cannot see the flaws in their political parties... They all have them. They both screwed up the country. We let them. Dammit.. I guess we suck.. I am annoyed with myself now. Bush did not screw up America.. Obama didn't either.. Checks and balances keep one man from doing that. We let this happen.. and the circling of the drain has been going on for a while. Do I have an answer? Not really.. But I follow no one blindly. None have seemed to really have our rights and personal welfare in mind. Makes me sad.
5.) Boys my daughters' ages.. obvious reasons.. they are all little whiny emo dirtbags who want to do horrid things to my girls. Most are the girliest little whiny bitches who think it is ok to cry openly and not know how how to do things that are traditionally "Things guys do" Don't know how to check, much less change, your oil? Kill yourself. Same with the changing a tire. Don't know how to operate a mower or trimmer.. again.. drink bleach. Never used a power tool? Kill your father and then.. dive headfirst into an empty pool. Look this up, guys... you will NEED to be able to do all this stuff.. The crying thing... gotta stop.. SOMEONE besides my daughters have to be the strong ones.. If you are a snotty, whiny mess with your mascara running.. fix a rat poison cupcake, Nancy, and gobble it up. You are to KEEP THOSE EMOTIONS DOWN and be stoic in adversity.. The ONLY time it is ok to shed one .. maybe two tears is when a.) take a severe shot to the nuts. b.) the scene in "Old Yeller" when he has to cap his dog. c.) Death of your momma. (with some obvious but very few exceptions) Sac up, boys... You need a role model.. I recommend Don Draper.
6.) People that think that just because they have an opinion... it is valid.. It isn't. Unless you can bring something to the table that truly benefits the situation.. Shut the %&^ up. Even MY opinion isn't always valid.. I usually try to keep quiet if I am not absolutely sure I am right. Kids and people are being taught a certain entitlement that whatever their opinion is ... it is valid.. Nuh uh. Bring something to the table.. either a VALID well thought out opinion with facts backing it up.. or a sandwich.. Only two options.
7.) More to come.
I have discovered something about myself.. I am a troll. There.. I have said it. Not in a physical sense.. not in a "I gotta bridge and you need to pay my ass" way.. but when people annoy me online.. I go out of my way to be annoying, contrary for no real reason... and downright childish. But.. in my mind I can write it off as a righteous indignation. So, I guess what I am saying in I am an online dick who will %^&* with you if I find you ridiculous. Does that make me just as bad? Probably.. but I will now go through a living list of things that annoy me.. Many of these things I have bitched about before.. but it is harder to remember what I have said than just puking it out again...
1.) Children... Hate them. I do love mine to the mandated levels.. but your kids suck.. A Lot.
2.) People who think their kids couldn't possibly be the reason that they get in trouble. News flash.. Your kid is probably an asshole. I feel for the teachers that have to put up with your demon spawn child and then hear from you idiots about how everything else must be flawed instead of looking at that drooling snot beast that you decided to create. Smack your kid once in a while.. builds character and stuff..
3.) Pets. They die on you. They die in front of your kid. They last maybe a decade or so.. so you are gonna go through a bunch of these non-tax write offs... More moochie than children.. but slightly less annoying.
4.) People who cannot see the flaws in their political parties... They all have them. They both screwed up the country. We let them. Dammit.. I guess we suck.. I am annoyed with myself now. Bush did not screw up America.. Obama didn't either.. Checks and balances keep one man from doing that. We let this happen.. and the circling of the drain has been going on for a while. Do I have an answer? Not really.. But I follow no one blindly. None have seemed to really have our rights and personal welfare in mind. Makes me sad.
5.) Boys my daughters' ages.. obvious reasons.. they are all little whiny emo dirtbags who want to do horrid things to my girls. Most are the girliest little whiny bitches who think it is ok to cry openly and not know how how to do things that are traditionally "Things guys do" Don't know how to check, much less change, your oil? Kill yourself. Same with the changing a tire. Don't know how to operate a mower or trimmer.. again.. drink bleach. Never used a power tool? Kill your father and then.. dive headfirst into an empty pool. Look this up, guys... you will NEED to be able to do all this stuff.. The crying thing... gotta stop.. SOMEONE besides my daughters have to be the strong ones.. If you are a snotty, whiny mess with your mascara running.. fix a rat poison cupcake, Nancy, and gobble it up. You are to KEEP THOSE EMOTIONS DOWN and be stoic in adversity.. The ONLY time it is ok to shed one .. maybe two tears is when a.) take a severe shot to the nuts. b.) the scene in "Old Yeller" when he has to cap his dog. c.) Death of your momma. (with some obvious but very few exceptions) Sac up, boys... You need a role model.. I recommend Don Draper.
6.) People that think that just because they have an opinion... it is valid.. It isn't. Unless you can bring something to the table that truly benefits the situation.. Shut the %&^ up. Even MY opinion isn't always valid.. I usually try to keep quiet if I am not absolutely sure I am right. Kids and people are being taught a certain entitlement that whatever their opinion is ... it is valid.. Nuh uh. Bring something to the table.. either a VALID well thought out opinion with facts backing it up.. or a sandwich.. Only two options.
7.) More to come.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
I got Rants in my pants.. and I gotta let them out!
And now, kiddies.. it is time for the "Brooks Rant Of The Day"!!! Ok.. I tend to rant and rave.. mostly for your (and my) entertainment.. The whole.. its all fun and games especially when someone gets "butt-hurt".. Here is the deal.. I complain.. you complain.. WE ALL complain.. on here about the things that bug us.. For me.. it is mostly tongue-in-cheek.. for others.. hey.. you have a bad day.. it happens.. BUT for SOME.. it is a frikkin way of life.. Especially when it comes to politics (which I agree is a hotbed o' debate and anger) they will spew clever (not really) quotes they read somewhere in an effort to sound clever themselves (doesn't work).. Ok.. I get it.. sometimes I will post a funny.. but when it is ALL you HAVE!!!.. One of the tricks to bring people to your way of thinking is to use a little finesse.. some charm.. some subtlety. Sounding like a raging, repetitive Boomhauer does not help your case at all.. "THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!! THEY RAISED OUR GAS PRICES!! THEIR KIDS GET MEDICAL ON OUR DIME!!" Bitch, please... Looking around, I would say I pay more in taxes than some of these whiners make in a year... which is sad.. because I definitely shouldn't make as much as I do for what I do.. (and I still bitch about it)..
If you are unhappy with the way things are run.. do something to change it. Run for office.. Sign a petition.. Protest.. Hell... VOTE if the felony on your record doesn't hinder you from it. Please know what the frak you are complaining about though.. Don't believe everything you read or see on the Internet.. photoshop is a wonderful tool to fool the dimmest of people. Take the time to at least SNOPES the damn picture before you make yourself look like an ass.. If you ask most of the people pointing the finger at someone for the way things are fucked up what exactly that person did to make them unhappy and how they fucked things up.. most will either A.) Give you a slack-jawed drooling stare with a deer in headlights look.. or B.) Tell you what they fucked up.. and be way off.. (I have heard people blaming Bush and Obama for something that happened in the Carter administration) I definitely have conservative leanings.. but there are a couple things I have a more liberal approach to.. I will tell you that I trust neither party to get us out of this mess.. They are both to blame and we all are to blame for allowing it to happen.
Ok.. enough of politics.. it is making me feel as "special" as the people who post that crap.. Let's go to something else.. People posting about being proud to be an asshole and/or bitch. Ok.. congrats.. you are a terrible person. Is that what you wanted to hear? Or are you trying to make rhyme or reason as to why no one really wants to be around you and make up for your personality and/ or hygiene issues. Most of the people I see that claim this or post about how they are an AssBitch (shortened from here on out for time) are eager-to-please, dorky little people that society has moved forward from.. If you post stuff like "If I have offended you, get over it or get out of America.." or the like.. or "I am a heinous bitch and I am proud to be a shrill unlikeable shrew..." or whatever.. you are trying WAAAAY too hard. Are you trying to convince us that you are an undesirable person? Guess what... WE KNEW!!!!! You had us at "hello".. so to speak.. If you are bitter and sad and whine about how women are idiots because they wont go out with you or you are bitching how men are shitty and don't treat you the way you want.. here is the deal.. let us find the common denominator in all your bad relationships or why you can't get laid in a women's prison with a fist full of pardons.. and the common factor is what... it is YOU!!!!! You are a terrible person!!! People can SMELL that on you!! Now, go eat a sammich and think about it for a while, AssBitch.
I am up for legislation that keeps terrible people from having computers.. or at least Facebook... I am sure some people think that if that were the case.. I wouldnt have either.. LOL I am sure people (some) think that I may be a terrible person.. I don't think I am.. I have my friends.. I have a family that thinks I am neato.. I have my lil minions.. my mom thinks I am super... etc..
If you are unhappy with the way things are run.. do something to change it. Run for office.. Sign a petition.. Protest.. Hell... VOTE if the felony on your record doesn't hinder you from it. Please know what the frak you are complaining about though.. Don't believe everything you read or see on the Internet.. photoshop is a wonderful tool to fool the dimmest of people. Take the time to at least SNOPES the damn picture before you make yourself look like an ass.. If you ask most of the people pointing the finger at someone for the way things are fucked up what exactly that person did to make them unhappy and how they fucked things up.. most will either A.) Give you a slack-jawed drooling stare with a deer in headlights look.. or B.) Tell you what they fucked up.. and be way off.. (I have heard people blaming Bush and Obama for something that happened in the Carter administration) I definitely have conservative leanings.. but there are a couple things I have a more liberal approach to.. I will tell you that I trust neither party to get us out of this mess.. They are both to blame and we all are to blame for allowing it to happen.
Ok.. enough of politics.. it is making me feel as "special" as the people who post that crap.. Let's go to something else.. People posting about being proud to be an asshole and/or bitch. Ok.. congrats.. you are a terrible person. Is that what you wanted to hear? Or are you trying to make rhyme or reason as to why no one really wants to be around you and make up for your personality and/ or hygiene issues. Most of the people I see that claim this or post about how they are an AssBitch (shortened from here on out for time) are eager-to-please, dorky little people that society has moved forward from.. If you post stuff like "If I have offended you, get over it or get out of America.." or the like.. or "I am a heinous bitch and I am proud to be a shrill unlikeable shrew..." or whatever.. you are trying WAAAAY too hard. Are you trying to convince us that you are an undesirable person? Guess what... WE KNEW!!!!! You had us at "hello".. so to speak.. If you are bitter and sad and whine about how women are idiots because they wont go out with you or you are bitching how men are shitty and don't treat you the way you want.. here is the deal.. let us find the common denominator in all your bad relationships or why you can't get laid in a women's prison with a fist full of pardons.. and the common factor is what... it is YOU!!!!! You are a terrible person!!! People can SMELL that on you!! Now, go eat a sammich and think about it for a while, AssBitch.
I am up for legislation that keeps terrible people from having computers.. or at least Facebook... I am sure some people think that if that were the case.. I wouldnt have either.. LOL I am sure people (some) think that I may be a terrible person.. I don't think I am.. I have my friends.. I have a family that thinks I am neato.. I have my lil minions.. my mom thinks I am super... etc..
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
And now for something completely different..
So.. anyway.. that last post was pretty dark.. and sad.. and was just a tough time.. BUUUUUTT.. life goes on.. I figured I would share a bit of levity with you.. my people..
A new year has come.. and sometimes that is a time for change.. not hope and change.. cuz well.. anyway.. but change nonetheless... I had a fairly long and very gray beard.. so I cut it off.. then I felt it made my face look ... well.. not complete.. so I decided to do what I do every 7 or 8 months and hack off all of my hair. There is a place I usually go to (and I had a coupon) so I headed that way with my daughters in tow. We walked in and the place was packed!! There were 14 people in line ahead of me to get cut.. I looked at my daughters and we all agreed on "F-THAT!".. so we left.. Then I saw across the street a Sports Clips.. I had heard the commercials.. watching sports.. hot chicks with great "personalities" cutting your hair.. I started driving over there with images of a buxom 20 something massaging and shampooing my head while leaning over me.. saying something in a sultry purr.. I was STOKED!! (Yes.. I brought it back).. We go in.. the line isnt quite as long.. I see a couple of semi-attractive ladies working it.. I pushed forward.. I signed up.. sat down and started watching the Oregon - Wisconsin Bowl game.. I was happy..
Then I heard my name being called... I stood up.. headed towards the stalls.. and met my "stylist".. It was Jerry... the extremely flamboyant Filipino MALE... I was gobsmacked.. but.. I pushed through.. sad and dejected that I was not to have young boobs on my face.. but. I needed the hair cut.. Jerry sat me down and asked what I wanted.. I told him and we started talking.. He told me I get to have the MVP treatment for the price of the Varsity.. due to it being my "first time".. Oy... So.. Jerry hacked off a bunch of my hair.. then put some product in my hair and made a very tall mohawk. He yelled to the waiting room asking my daughters opinion... My 10 yr old mouthed "NO!" and my 16 yr old.. just laughed at the awkwardness.. I chuckled and then it was time for my shampoo.. We went back to the back.. I sat on the sink chair. (it was a massage chair BTW.. nice... and then Jerry steamed a towel and put it over my face.. he started shampooing my hair and massaging it in.. (including my temples) Man.. it wasnt what I expected.. or really wanted.. but dammit.. that man had magic fingers!!!! I will give the talented twink that much..
So... hair washed.. we headed back to the chair for more cutting.. He snipped and hacked with his hands a blurrin'... and finished.. I then got the shoulder and neck massage that came with the package and then he started styling it.. and I will be damned if I didnt get probably the best hair cut I have ever had.. So... lecherous hopes dashed aside.. it ended up all good.. I got a card from him and will probably have the little dude cut my hair again.. Magic frakkin fingers, I tell ya..
A new year has come.. and sometimes that is a time for change.. not hope and change.. cuz well.. anyway.. but change nonetheless... I had a fairly long and very gray beard.. so I cut it off.. then I felt it made my face look ... well.. not complete.. so I decided to do what I do every 7 or 8 months and hack off all of my hair. There is a place I usually go to (and I had a coupon) so I headed that way with my daughters in tow. We walked in and the place was packed!! There were 14 people in line ahead of me to get cut.. I looked at my daughters and we all agreed on "F-THAT!".. so we left.. Then I saw across the street a Sports Clips.. I had heard the commercials.. watching sports.. hot chicks with great "personalities" cutting your hair.. I started driving over there with images of a buxom 20 something massaging and shampooing my head while leaning over me.. saying something in a sultry purr.. I was STOKED!! (Yes.. I brought it back).. We go in.. the line isnt quite as long.. I see a couple of semi-attractive ladies working it.. I pushed forward.. I signed up.. sat down and started watching the Oregon - Wisconsin Bowl game.. I was happy..
Then I heard my name being called... I stood up.. headed towards the stalls.. and met my "stylist".. It was Jerry... the extremely flamboyant Filipino MALE... I was gobsmacked.. but.. I pushed through.. sad and dejected that I was not to have young boobs on my face.. but. I needed the hair cut.. Jerry sat me down and asked what I wanted.. I told him and we started talking.. He told me I get to have the MVP treatment for the price of the Varsity.. due to it being my "first time".. Oy... So.. Jerry hacked off a bunch of my hair.. then put some product in my hair and made a very tall mohawk. He yelled to the waiting room asking my daughters opinion... My 10 yr old mouthed "NO!" and my 16 yr old.. just laughed at the awkwardness.. I chuckled and then it was time for my shampoo.. We went back to the back.. I sat on the sink chair. (it was a massage chair BTW.. nice... and then Jerry steamed a towel and put it over my face.. he started shampooing my hair and massaging it in.. (including my temples) Man.. it wasnt what I expected.. or really wanted.. but dammit.. that man had magic fingers!!!! I will give the talented twink that much..
So... hair washed.. we headed back to the chair for more cutting.. He snipped and hacked with his hands a blurrin'... and finished.. I then got the shoulder and neck massage that came with the package and then he started styling it.. and I will be damned if I didnt get probably the best hair cut I have ever had.. So... lecherous hopes dashed aside.. it ended up all good.. I got a card from him and will probably have the little dude cut my hair again.. Magic frakkin fingers, I tell ya..
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