Day 47: The Plague-pocolypse Saga

Day 47:

I am not sure why I put myself through this.  You look confused.  Well... since you are tied up there anyway.. And I have nothing really going on for the next.. oh..  who the hell knows.. I will offer some context and get you caught up on what has happened so far.
This whole thing started with a totally contained virus we will call The Modelo Sickness.  It tore through the world like a fat kid eating cake.  Symptoms of explosive and sudden diarrhea, liver failure (later found to be alcohol related from being cooped up with your family for days on end), tendency to find Karen haircuts fashionable and your genitalia turning inside out.  It was a mess.
Some of us were smart about it.  We stayed in.  Did not take more than we needed. and it started to pass.  But there is always THAT fucker...  and there were enough of THOSE fuckers that decided to do what they wanted and fortunately..  we lost most of Frisco, TX to these deadly acts of douche-fuckery.
So,...  It kept growing and growing til desperation set in.  People looked for any way to fix the situation.  Some people started hoarding and looting.  One group got the hot idea of tossing old people into a pit of fire... apparently they teach classes on how to build your own at your local Home Depot... as a sacrifice to their deities.  It was insane..  the smell of burnt geriatric hung in the air for days.  Cities started shutting down... then states.. eventually the country.  It was insanity.

Here I was..  out of work... running low on funds..  I had a family to take care of.. So I did what any man would do.  I grabbed my old bat..  put some spikes on it... glued some lego blocks on it..  and jumped into my Fiat 500.  It was time to bring the pain.  As I drove down the eerily quiet Hwy 380, I thought of who I needed to make this whole Regional Warlord thing work.  People are a resource I always say.  Train them so that they can go anywhere, hunt them down like dogs and kill all their kin if they do go. 
First, I needed infrastructure.  I had someone to keep things organized and to be honest with me if I was being "extra".  Rach had that covered.  I needed some people to go on long scouting trips to check out other areas and groups.  I have this one friend...  He is like a really angry Bilbo Baggins..  We will call him Bilby.  He could sneak around in small tunnels easily.   His partner, Lita, was great for use as a distraction. You could here her coming for miles AND her scout bike was also really loud.  I wouldn't even have to put a bell on them.  They LOVED the idea of riding aimlessly all over the place.  They also blended well and were used often to infiltrate the roving bands of pirates...  who got their outfits at party city I think.  It was cute.. they all wore matching outfits.  Now.  I also needed saboteurs..  I knew just the man for the job.  Roth Goldstein was known by everyone.  He gained people's trust.  An all around great guy.  But say we needed to shut down a competitor's supply vehicle.  All we had to do is say, "Bro!  That truck totally doesn't work! Can you fix it?  EVERY time he would eagerly accept the mission..  voila..  that truck wasn't going more than a mile after that. This we had Old Willy..   he kept us in air conditioning..  that was about it.  I will go into depth on some of my key players as we go along this written...er...typed journey.
That was a good start.  More people would follow.. but thats a story for another time.
Anywho..  I was rambling.  Society fell.. people died..  where was I.. AH!  SO there I am..  me and my people... rolling through,.. town to town..  taking over.  Word got around that we took care of our people so it got to the point that we started getting less and less resistance.  Did we have to make a few examples here and there..  sure..  but being a warlord ain't ballet, people. 
I hope that gives you a little history of the first 3 days of the virus. It escalated QUICKLY!

Day 43: The Plague-pocolypse Saga

Day 43:
It’s like herding kittens.. brain-damaged kittens. To protect my followers from further spreading the mega-plague.. I instituted a midnight curfew and a social distancing.. I feel that is going above and beyond for minions.. but those... unappreciative little, window-licking turd jugglers.. are trying to find loopholes in my policy or outright ignoring it for their own ridiculously selfish, inbred-brained reasons. I am trying to keep this contained. Good henchmen (and henchwomen) are getting harder to come by.. So.. I have started making examples. If you are caught breaking curfew.. instantly and with no question... immediate shooting in the facial area with a bazooka. No warning.. it is “Deedadee... ima do wut I want because I am a stupid face” BLAMMO!!!! No more stupid face. I swear to all that is holy (i.e. Brooksish in nature). You gonna test me? I have five words for you.. I. Wish. A. Bitch. Would. That five? Yep.. five. I often think people, who as I have stated.. are a resource, have no idea the pressure and stress I go through as a regional warlord in this hellscape.. I keep them fed.. sheltered.. better healthcare .. blah blah... Why does no one ask what I need? I mean... if I get a splinter on the rail of my balcony, does my carpenter not bleed?? No appreciation...

Day 34: The Plague-pocolypse Saga

Day 34:
 Don't know how Max did it.. Leather does NOT breathe. So far, been fairly uneventful except for the occasional Frisco douche raiding party,, Easily defeated. Pull ridiculous visor over the eyes of the dude-bro.. hit with bat.. wash.. rinse .. repeat. Sadly, the begging for mercy speeches I get from them are limited to their weak vocabulary... They just repeat over and over, "Seriously, Bro?? Seriously?" and their female counterpart screaming, " I LITERALLY can't even!! I am feeling attacked!!! " Makes the bat swing a LOT faster though. So far, I have recovered plenty of supplies..mostly Toilet Paper and White Claws... Checking the ads for a meaner looking post apocalyptic vehicle (ala Road Warrior, Army of Darkness) I have found that it is difficult to look menacing with a bright red Fiat and a Glitter Bomb Road King... I totally missed the boat on that one. I probably should have gone black out Dyna douche... but I would then be no better than the worst parts of society.. This is a process. Note to self.. Carry a frikkin can-opener... Fight on Brothers and Sisters of Brooks. This world is ours. Keep swinging!