Captain's Log.. Ugh.. No
To Whom it may concern.. (sigh)
Whatever -
So many people think there is a lot of glitz and glamour to the whole post-apocalyptic wasteland.. The outfits.. the sweet weapons.. the ridiculously over modified vehicles... Thats all great and all, but what made it cool in other movies where we may or may not have gotten a lot of our ideas, was a massive shortage of resources like gasoline and food.. Something takes the glitz out of all of this when you spend the day out marauding in your spike covered rolling death machine and you pull up to QT.. put your check card in the slot.. put in your pin.. fill up.. walk in.. buy a red bull and head back out. Its just not the same. I mean.. ok.. the leather armor set is pretty sweet.. (and I cant think of another instance on when I would wear it.)
Certain skills have moved to the forefront of having "Stroke" Where it used to be Fire, Police, EMS, and Military were seen as the heroes... they have been popped on the backburner for Nurses, Grocery Store Workers, Kitchen folk, and Pizza Delivery folks. When I took it upon myself to lead people to the next Utopia, I was worried about how I would have to fight off the women, but it is the normal level of ridiculous amounts of women trying to curry my favor and trying to be "All up on me".. But, and I wanna say I would never have seen this coming.. You wanna pull some serious tail?? Uber Eats drivers.. They are SWIMMING in it!It doesn't stop at just the tip! Apparently, Chlamydia is on the rise.. The Ubers' new station in life hasn't all of a sudden made them any more responsible. Filthy animals.
Which brings me to the medical peeps. You thought they may have had a God complex before.. Its insane now.. You want treatment?? You gotdayum better have a shrine built to their scrubs-wearing asses!!! One of the Medicos in our area has taken the helm of the Health Empire. Never would have seen this coming. Giffer Goldfarb (Pronounced like the peanut butter brand with an "er" at the end) was a completely unforeseen power house. Once when I had a bunch of my marauders ( I like marauder better than raiders, don't you? Classy AF) get themselves jacked up on a failed raid on a CVS (Those Cashiers and Pharmacists are tougher than they look.. years of pent up anger from working at CVS, I guess) and we loaded up our war wagon and went to the regional hospital to get them patched up. We made it to the gates (amazing how quickly people got those things up) and were stopped by a bunch of scrub-rocking thugs. I jump out, ready to deal with the insolence as only I can, and BAM.. suddenly I feel a sting in my neck. and then thats when the world went spinny..
Shortly, or longly.. I dunno.. I was out.. and then I woke up in what was the hospital chapel.. I am immediately hauled upright by some of the earlier mentioned scrub thugs. My bleary eyes adjust and I see sitting on a makeshift throne made from stacked EKG carts, moto parts, and what I can only guess is the bones of her past supervisors, is a brunette chippy with reaaaaally long arms.. like distractingly long. Her getup looks like a mix between "Vikings" and "ER". She looks at me with a very menacing stare.. her eyebrows (which were totally on fleek) furrowed. "Who are you that disturbs my break time??", she hisses. "Hey!", I slur (still waking up), "I'm the guy you popped a nite-nite dart into, good drugs BTW, and I gotta tell you, Honey.. Your sweet cheeks made a big mistake. I am kind of a big deal around this area! People know me!" She replies, "You the guy passing out the condoms with your face on them?" "No no no... thats another guy.. he's kind of a dick and totally riding my coattails.. But I digress.." "SILENCE!!", she barks!! Me mumbling.. "you asked me ... so.. I was just.." "DO you EVER shut up?", She asked. "Not one of my strong suits, pumpkin. What is your name, babydoll?.", I reply with all my charm. "God.. you are exasperating... I am Giffer.. keeper of all that is medical.. Bringer of all that is Stabby, I am Life and I am Death!!" "Power has gone to SOMEONE'S head.", I whisper. "What was that??", Giffer asked. (sigh) "what do you want, dude?" "Well", says I.. "A bunch of my guys need patching up due to their own stupidity... Hard to find good help, amirite?" "You have no idea... I am surrounded by annoying monkeys. Well, let me check... (taps on her computer.. ) Well.. You are in network.. except that guy (pointing at one of my guys who is sans- head.. not sure why we brought him) He is gonna need a specialist.. I'll write a referral.. Copay is 25 rolls of two ply. "
So, my guys get patched up and we pay up and get the hell out of dodge. The Medicos did a heckuva job putting my crew back together, though I got the feeling that Queen Gif enjoyed jabbing needles in the guys a little too much. I get that they needed tetanus shots, (cleanliness is not one of their strong points.. There is no shortage on soap, guys!) but was it necessary for her to whisper in their ears "I'm inside you now.." every time she gave them a shot.. frikkin creepy..
UP Next : My birthday and the fellas want cuppycakes.
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